zena musings

21 things that spontaneously flew out of my heart + fingers this morning

1. It’s easier than you think.
2. Whoever you are, whatever your desire, wherever your path — OWN it. Unapologetically.
3. Be real. Be YOU. Playing it cool is dull. (Thank you, Danielle LaPorte, for nailing it.) Enthusiasm is hot. Awkward spontaneity smashes the flimsy weak veneer of hip every fucking time.
4. If right now you’re mimicking someone you admire, keep going. Stay curious. Keep writing, keep moving, keep taking pictures, keep reading, keep exploring and for God’s sake keep obsessively listening to your deepest innermost guts. You will stumble upon your unique way of stringing together words, composing images or moving through life.
5. Within you are undiscovered talents, strengths and treasures you don’t even know exist. They may be different from what you expected. Don’t shrink away. Claim them. Trust them. Follow their breadcrumbs.
6. Keep moving forward. But please please please know it’s OK to rest whenever you need to for as long as you need to. Rest is necessary. Just pay attention to your intuition because timeouts can masquerade as secret ways to coddle your fears.
7. Share your journeys and discoveries with us, honestly and openly. We want to hear your stories. We need the wisdom of your learnings. We long to witness and support the unvarnished truth of you.
8. At times you may feel different than. That’s OK. Different doesn’t mean separate from. You belong and you always will.
9. Change is not an option. Change is the essence of Life. You can’t hide from change so don’t even try. Embrace your lifelong evolution and the personal evolution of every single person you know. 
10. Make letting go a daily spiritual practice. 
11. Those stories you tell yourself in your head? You’re making them up. Stop falling for fiction. Don’t make assumptions. Be willing to change your perception.
12. Practice, practice, practice. There is no mastery. Do your best and eventually your best will get better. Screw perfection. Adopt the attitude that sucking actually ROCKS! Toddlers don’t berate themselves when their legs buckle and they fall on their rumps. They get up and try again.
13. Life is short and unpredictable. ENJOY. Choose wisely. Be good to yourself.
14. Love with unfettered abandon whoever and whatever lights you up! No need to justify, rationalize or explain.
15. That said, being on the other end of someone's obsession feels creepy and gross. If someone you’re attracted to doesn’t share the attraction, let them go. Stat.
16.  Prayer works. Prayer works best when we let go of what we think the outcome should be.
17. Your comfort zone can turn into a Venus Flytrap. Being uncomfortable is often an incredibly good sign. 
18. Remember you’re not in charge. You’re not the Head Coach. You’re simply one important yet temporary player on a really, really big team. Everyone contributes in her or his own specialized way. No one is expected to play the game alone and you won’t carry the ball 100% of the time. Sometimes we’re on the court, sometimes we’re on the bench. We all contribute no matter what. We’re always part of the team. 
19. God has bigger plans for you than you could ever possibly dream of. Get out of your own way. Leave the Big Game Plan to God (S/He holds it anyway). Leave room in your hours and days and weeks and months and years for Life to guide you, dazzle you and use you in magical + unexpected ways.
20. You know less than you think you do. You love less than you’re capable of. Isn’t this marvelous? Keep your beautiful heart + mind open!
21. Love always wins.

The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer

This TED talk by Amanda Palmer has kicked open a door I've been eyeballing with curiosity. It's a dialog I intend to wholeheartedly be part of. Because the old ways, and many of the current ways, do not resonate with my heart. This does.

“I trust you this much. Should I? Show me.”

Subverting Fear

Smack dab in my busiest time of year. If I were a CPA, today would be April 12th. The work phone is ringing. Orders need packing + shipping. Candles need pouring. Repairmen need calling. Dobies need walking. My upstairs is a hot mess. There are a hundred practical things I should be doing and writing isn't one of them. Nor is sitting in my pajamas at noon, checking FB, reading spiritual stuff or listening to Marianne Williamson. But this is precisely what my soul needs today.

Breathing room. Nourishment. Reassurance.

It is becoming less and less possible to override my spiritual needs.

For large and small business owners there's a frenzied, competitive greed at the holidays that I'm certainly not immune to. The unspoken yet tangible pressure to jump onto the spinning carousel of consumer spending and grab for all the golden rings your hands can hold. BUY MY STUFF! Wallets are open, dollars are begging to be spent and from a business point of view I should be capitalizing the living shit out of this season. I have done so in the past. I have earned a fair amount of money and I have suffered the consequences: year-end mental breakdowns, illnesses, not enjoying my own holidays.

This year I can't. I can't and I won't. This year I'm saying fuck that noise. For me, sometimes living life + owning a business is like being in a packed auditorium with nearly every person in attendance clamoring for attention. It's loud, it's overwhelming, it hurts my soul and I need (frequently) to escape.

I've struggled sending newsletters for two years. Do I need the money? Absolutely. This year has yielded my lowest earnings since I started zena moon in 2000. I don't blame the economy; it's all me -- I love my candles and my company but I'm simply tapped out and ready to move on. I truly cannot wait to hand over the reins to a new owner who will lavish her with the time, love and attention she deserves.

Meanwhile I get to practice accepting that I can't function at the higher levels I used to.

Accepting that I desperately need a break from marketing. Wanting to learn new ways to share my work in the world, which may include hiring someone else to do it for me.

Trusting that I can still earn a healthy living. Not knowing exactly how but knowing I've got skills and am worth it. Being open. Asking for + receiving help from smart, generous souls.

Believing Liz Lamoreux's reminder that "it really is okay to move at your own pace."

Reading this by Anne Lamott, which nails my experience lately:

I pray all the time, but without a deep sense of union or connection. It's like taking a survey by phone. I do it, but I mostly just want to be done. Still, you know what? I think it's okay. Some patches of time are going to be rich in communion with God, Goodness, Good Orderly Direction, even the Gift of Desperation. Other times? Not so much. As always, though, it is the right time to be exquisitely, crazily friendly to myself.

I'm going to keep doing my sort-of-faking-it prayers; my phoning it in prayers. We take the action, and the insight will follow. The insight will be how crazy and isolated I feel when my electrical cord is not plugged into the vast supply of gorgeous, hilarious, heartbreakingly profound and sweet divine supply. This lackluster phase will pass. Then, the joyously plugged in phase will, too.

Knowing (or at least suspecting pretty strongly) that my Higher Power doesn't want me to spend any more of my precious life striving/worrying/pressuring/judging/berating myself to the point of actually looking forward to death because at least then all of the striving/worrying/pressuring/judging/berating will be over and done with.

Saying that I trust my Higher Power even when I'm not sure I do.

Telling the truth, again and again and again. Laying it all on the table, every single day, with at least one other human being. Because God works in my life through other human beings and like Anne Lamott also wrote:

...which was about letting God into your worst drawers and closets, and how healing could not happen if you let God into a living room that had just been cleaned for the occasion. If you wanted healing, you had to show God the mess.

Being honest.

Being open.

Being willing.

Being grateful. Because I am, more than words could ever convey. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for your support and encouragement. Thank you for buying my candles. Thank you for being here.

Exciting changes + opportunities! zena moon is for sale...

A few weeks ago I announced on Facebook that I was preparing to begin the process of selling zena moon. GULP! Still a little hard to say, but day by day I'm becoming increasingly ready to wholeheartedly venture down a new path full-time—namely, my photography.

Never have I known such clarity and purpose or felt so much passion and excitement! As much as I've loved (still love) candlemaking, over the last couple years photography has caught fire in me like nothing I've come close to experiencing before. After 12 amazing years building and running zena moon, a new adventure is calling me body, mind and soul.

Since I’m at the beginning of the vetting + selling process, I’m looking for guidance and assistance. If you know anybody who’s successfully sold a business or know of any resources that might help, please send them my way. Already I've received quite a few interested inquiries and I need to learn what the next steps are.

That said, there's no urgency and I’m not in any rush. Making sure zena moon transfers into smart, capable, enthusiastic and dedicated hands is my number one goal.

So! If you or someone you know is interested in buying an established, successful 12 year-old candle company with thousands of customers and endorsements by Oprah, Martha Beck, Pamela Slim, Fabeku Fatunmise, Patti Digh, Jennifer Louden and countless other luminaries, contact me.

It truly is a once-in-a-lifetime business and spiritual opportunity for the right person!

I'm welcoming a mindful, careful process based on love and intuition. zena moon is my baby and I'm trusting in God's timing and direction.

To all our wonderful customers: you have no idea how much I love and appreciate you! I'm still in love with zena moon and nothing has changed here in the studio. You can still order our candles with wild abandon—in fact, please do!—and I promise that when the transition to new ownership does happen, disruption to the business will be as minimal as humanly possible. Also that the quality of our candles, if it does change, will only be for the better!

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
— Joseph Campbell

Blessings,

Trust Takes Practice

"Your soul knows the geography of your destiny. Your soul alone has the map of your future, therefore you can trust this indirect, oblique side of yourself. If you do, it will take you where you need to go, but more important it will teach you a kindness of rhythm in your journey."

–John O'Donohue

(Photo by rosemary*.)