zena musings

New perseverance candle! Plus Full Moon specials now through 6/26

Scented with lemon and thyme, our gorgeous new perseverance candles feature the Buddhist saying, "If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking." Created for my own work and journey, I hope it will aid yours as well.

Saturday's Full Moon and lunar eclipse provide a powerful time to set intentions and practice discernment. Our candles are here to help! Enjoy FREE SHIPPING over $50 with coupon code FULLMOON at zenamoon.com now through 6/26. Plus, get a free self-nurture candle with orders over $75.

About This Full Moon
The message is clear both individually and globally: radical shifts are occurring. Things are a-movin' and a-shakin', waking us all up to new levels of awareness and action. I've excerpted a large chunk of this article by Maurice Fernandez below, as it resonates so clearly and succinctly:

Anything can happen during eclipses—it is literally a time for divine intervention and therefore unexpected and powerful occurrences can manifest, on both personal and collective levels. It is common to experience that things happen very fast and that the course of action is re-routed during such a time. Eclipses can bring solutions and amazing inspiration, as well as potential shake-ups. Because it is such a potent time, I strongly encourage focus on prayer, meditation, and setting intentions because gates open during this time. The flow of energy can be considerable and therefore destruction is definitely possible, but it can also bring completely new breakthroughs and manifest things that were long waited for from one moment to the next. What is worth remembering is that eclipses activate emotions powerfully, and so it is a time to mark intentions because it is through emotions that we register existence.

As 2010 is geared to be a year for transition, everyone is or will be on the move or adjusting to new circumstances. As I mentioned in the previous note, this is not a year to seek security in the material world because there is absolutely no stability—security can either be found through physical motion and creativity or through spiritual connection.

Have you felt a need to reinvent yourself or embark on new ventures? If so, you are in tune with what is going on…yet, the evolutionary incentive here is to learn proper action and not simply burst forward. Uranus is the planet that represents the higher mind, the conscious self, the greater perspective; in the sign of Aries, it calls upon us to observe the way we act and requires that if progress be made, action must be conscious. In other words, we cannot simply repeat the same patterns on different stages—a completely different approach and mode of action is required.

I think the message is clear that we are now in a period of accelerated changes. Because of this, there is much confusion, restlessness, and insecurity, along with strong impatience to see the transformation happen. The way to make sense of things and to really use this time to our advantage begins with solidarity and cultivating a support system—we have to be there for one another…it is fundamental: confront but seek understanding; denounce, but do not exempt yourself from examination; change, but do not expect perfection. Remain firm, truthful, and heart-centered, but importantly, do not take yourself too seriously. With true humility, true guidance comes; then the power of manifestation is without bounds.

Recommended candles:

• acceptance
• beyond fear
• claim your power
• courage
• embrace your confusion
• everyday sacred
• just do it
• listening to body & soul
• moving through change
• releasing anger
• screw perfection

  Shop all candles

Sacred Life Sunday

  

God speaks to each of us as he makes us;
then walks with us silently out of the night.
These are the words we dimly hear:
You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.
Flare up like flame
and make big shadows I can move in.
Let everything happen to you:
beauty and terror.
Just keep going,
no feeling is final.
Don’t let yourself lose me.
Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.
Give me your hand.

Ranier Maria Rilke

"You, less than, is a lie."

Just read a beautiful piece called You, Less Than by Pamela Slim. I'm going to look for my own Champion of the World photo, and when I find it, put it in a frame! I'll share it here, too. Thank you, Pam, from someone who easily loses her footing and slides into less than.

Easy Like Friday Morning

  

You can see my Mom and Dad in this photo, and a little bit of my face. :) GO ZAGS!

It's a gorgeous spring Friday in Spokane and I am bone-tired. The last two weeks have run the gamut of intense emotions, from the suicide and funeral of a dear friend's 13 year-old daughter to watching the Gonzaga women win their first and second round NCAA games sending them to the Sweet Sixteen for the first time in school history. I returned home from Seattle earlier this week mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. My entire being is sluggish, my concentration is crap and I've been sleeping 9-10 hours a night.

There is stuff I need to do. Work stuff, mainly. But today is not the day. Today the three most important things I can do are:

1. Go for a walk
2. Go to my noon AA meeting
3. Fill up my gas tank (literally!)

Take care of my body and spirit -- and my Honda. That's enough for today.

The Blossoming of Hope, Direction and Action

For anyone experiencing confusion like I've been, I want to share a smidgeon of the incredibly loving, encouraging words of wisdom and support I received on Facebook in response to last month's Stream of Consciousness post:

My "words of wisdom" would be to remain open, to listen to yourself, and to not feel pushed to do anything that doesn't feel right. And that once you choose, it's okay to change your mind! What an exciting time, Carla. I will watch your journey with great interest and positive thoughts. ~Olivia

I cannot, not respond and yet I'm overwhelmed by your pain and honesty. Of course, I have no words of wisdom for you, I barely have any for myself. Every day is a question mark. I will tell you that your words and very presence on Facebook have brought me countless moments of joy in the time we have been friends. I hope for nothing but spectacular days ahead for you....I do know that when we are about at the end of our rope our feet touchdown on something solid. We can choose to cling to the rope, or we can let go and see where the path leads. ~Zan

I was at a crossroads too, 2 yrs ago, as to what I wanted to do with my life/job and asked myself what I was passionate about. You have to continue praying and trust God, as He does answer prayers, but it is in His time, not ours, and his timing is always right and perfect. We have to have patience, which is very difficult sometimes. My prayers were answered, and I have a job that I absolutely love and is so "me" in many ways. And it presented itself to me while I was interviewing for a different one, but I recognized it at the time, and knew I had to fight for it...and I got it. I know that can happen for your too! Hang in there! ~Patty

Think about what people need. Think about what people will pay for. Think about if you would enjoy providing that. Think about how you would find customers. Also remember that people will pay for lots more in good economic times than in challenging ones (I would love to have a housekeeper. I will not pay for one. I sure would not enjoy being one). This is hard. I am being very masculine in my response ("I will find a solution for you my damsel!" ) but it is the best I can do right now. ~Christine

You clearly like the pace of life that owning and running your candle business offers you. You have been content with creating awesome candles all these years, but the income has slowed down to the point that it isn't earning you enough money to keep going this way. Have you thought of getting a group of women to brainstorm with you about the next step? A dreaming group to help you envision what is next? If I were part of that group I would be asking you, what goes with candles? How can you make Zena your stepping stone? You have been doing a lot right for a long time, so how can you use this experience to take the next step? Maybe getting many more heads put together over a period of time can help you see what's next. I don't think you will be happy working for someone else, on their schedule, hon. ~Sr. Kathryn

I agree--college can be wonderful for helping reveal your heart's desire. Sometimes the right thing to do is rest with the question. One of my favorite thoughts, from a minister, "I obey the law of love and let life surprise me." ~Gail

I agree with Kathryn that branching out from zenamoon could be an answer...and that you probably won't be happy working for someone else. I'm with Christina in that you should take some action. Sometimes its easier to see God's direction when we look back...I don't think you knew when you took your first candle class that you would make a career out of candle-making. I'm sure you would be a great masseur...also a counselor (you're already doing that for free!) Maybe the immediate question is how long do you want to hang on before you get some money coming in besides from zm? Do you want to go to school and start a new career? Or get a temporary job to have some money coming in regularly? Only you can decide that. Your short term answers need not be long term ones. Asking for guidance and listening to God are awesome things to do, but I also believe She likes to see movement on our part. My vegetable garden doesn't flourish if I just sit and look out the window at the space. I have to choose what to plant and where...and get busy. Otherwise I'll just grow weeds... either way God does her part in sending sunshine and rain. Carla, you are so strong and wonderful, beautiful and talented, creative and loving. I'm glad you are my daughter, and I know you will get through this difficult time. Love you much, Mama PS I still buy an occasional lottery ticket hoping for a big win, so I can pad your checking account! ~My Mama

That was last week. The relief I felt, after sharing, was immense. Something shifted, as something always does when I flush the shit out of my brain. I saw clearly how my attitude was fear-based and decided to take Olivia's stance and view this time as an exciting adventure! What a difference that made!

This week I'm moving into action, and wouldn't you know, opportunities are manifesting! Today I applied for two jobs. Folks are ordering zena moon candles. I am doing my footwork and leaving the outcome to God. Like I heard the other day, God doesn't mow lawns. She provides the sun and rain. Today I have hope and I am honestly excited. :)

Stream of Consciousness

Struggle, silence, sloth, inertia, fear of misstep. Recovering and healing from last year's missteps. Are you there, God? It's me, Carla.

I'm writing this for myself, because yet again it's morning. Yet again there's a giant question mark hanging over my head.

For quite some time I've been praying and looking for guidance what to do next. By quite some time I mean well over a year. Something needs to change. Like many small businesses struggling to stay afloat in this economy, zena moon has slowed to the point where it no longer supports me. After 10 years I'm plum out of marketing and creative steam. And last autumn's week-long stint working on a movie at NXNW proved beyond a shadow of a doubt I'm jazzed for a fresh work environment. Part-time. Flexible hours. With people.

Part-time because I want to continue running zena moon. I'm not ready to sell my business yet. Plus I know myself well enough to know I can't/won't do what it takes to work a full-time job, unless that job and the work environment are something really special.

So far, no strong hints or clues. No I-really-want-to's. This is a very new place for me to be. It's uncomfortable and scary. I've been paying rapt attention on a daily basis, and frankly I'm tired and frustrated at God's lack of direction. I'm tired of asking, tired of listening. On bleaker days I question whether God's done with me. Whether I have anything more to offer. Whether I'm even employable! Some ideas I'm considering and have looked into:

• Start an errand service
• Do proofreading work
• Find a part-time or temporary job
• Go to school to learn something new, but what? Web design? Software development? Massage?
• Join IATSE and work on theatre/movie crews

Last week I met with a counselor at Spokane Community College and left overwhelmed with information and choices. I didn't attend college and have never taken a single college class, so academia is an unknown world for me. I don't know what, if anything, I should pursue there.

I am so very tired of not knowing. Probably even more tired of not doing.

So, next week I'm taking a test to work temporarily on the 2010 Census. Will any of this lead anywhere? Am I on the right path? What should I do? I don't know. I don't know anything. I only know that something needs to change, and I don't know what to do beyond the tasks at hand today.

Any words of wisdom, insights, help or guidance would be much appreciated.

Hi, remember me? :)

It has been a long time since I've written much of anything substantial here, but now that my Flickr 365 Days project (a self-portrait every day for a full year, which naturally for me meant writing as well) is finished, I have more bandwidth for blogging! And I'm glad, because I missed writing here and I missed reading your blogs as well.

So what's new in zena moon-land? A bevy of new candles are in the works! They include:

discernment
freedom from guilt
gay pride
girlfriends
intention
listening
mama's timeout
meditation
midlife mojo
releasing the past
sacred space
self-respect
spiritual guidance
stillness
yoga

I'm very excited about them and wish they were all ready now. :) My creative process with candles involves prayer, patience, pure unfiltered intuition and simply showing up with the necessary tools: my hands, hot wax, colors, scents and gemstones. They're born when they're ready, and not a moment before.

I'm also going to offer monthly candle-making classes beginning this spring! Once I settle on the dates I'll post the schedule here, and/or you can signup to receive the zena moon newsletter and easily stay tuned that way.

On a personal note I am doing better than ever. I'm thoroughly enjoying my freedom and my life as a single woman at age 45! I'm dating (scary but fun!), texting, flirting wildly, crushing, having amazing new experiences, running with a new pack of lesbian friends, nurturing new and old friendships daily, socializing out the wazoo and spending good quality time with good quality women. Life is incredibly rich and savory, and for a while now my heart has felt like a big fat red round beaming Buddha. I feel like I'm thawing out and coming to life after a long deep freeze. It's now exactly two years since God pulled the rug out from under my life -- marriage ending, sudden move to Spokane, Elliott's passing -- and if you've followed my blog you know I've been open and honest about the incredible pain and difficulty -- not to mention length -- of the grieving process. Healing takes time and work on many different levels. It sure isn't a barrel of monkeys, except for the shit-throwing part. But I'm grateful I was present for all of it, and for myself, and I thank God I'm on the other side. Because where I'm at now is beyond good.

I have experienced and lived over and over again the promise quoted on my faith candle:

"When you come to the edge of all that you know and are about to step into the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly."

More soon. I swear!

P.S. Check out DailyOm's 10 tips for Staying Grounded in a Big City or Busy World reposted over on Women at Rest.

It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Loses Their Mind

Some days this is what following your dream looks like.
Some days this is what running your own business feels like.
Some days well-meaning customers piss you off.
Some days you don't do the right thing.

Fortunately, these types of days are rare.
Fortunately, I get to say when it's closing time.
Fortunately, I can go take a walk to clear my mind. Pray.
Fortunately, today is only for today. And tomorrow is a new day.