21 truths on my heart

I'm single because I was born that way.
— Mae West

Nearly two weeks after Valentine's Day, these truths are bursting outta my heart this morning.

1. My top priority is my relationship is with myself and my Higher Power.
2. #1 requires a tremendous amount of time + attention via nurturing, listening, action and devotion.
3. I love being single. It's when I thrive and blossom and contribute my best to the world.
4. #3 is not the social norm. It's not the Libra norm. Unless you're a priest or a monk or a BYU basketball player, it's not supposed to be anyone's norm. I struggle with this. But #3 has been true all my life, so I get to trust that God knows what S/He's doing with me better than I do.
5. Love is EVERYWHERE.
6. I've been in many relationships (more than 70, less than 100) ranging from one night to 13 years.
7. Had I known a good massage therapist in my 20's, those numbers would be significantly lower.
8. Can I say I'm grateful for them all? Yes. Each person was important in his or her way.
9. As a kid, the women I wanted to grow up and be like were always independent and unconventional. Cher. Rhoda. The bohemian chick played by Melanie Mayron on thirtysomething.
10. As an adult, the women I identify with and want to be like are always independent and unconventional. Also creative, wise, spiritual, kind, active and really alive in whatever way(s) they're called to be.
11. I absolutely revel in diversity. I'd wither and die if my circle of friends wasn't rife with different ages, classes, colors, beliefs, experiences and backgrounds.
12. Since my divorce in 2007, I've dated four women. No men. I've discovered a lot about myself; some amazing, some alarming.
13. Quite possibly the most pressing truth I've discovered is that at this time in my life I have no business getting involved in romantic relationships. In practical terms they keep getting in the way of what I want to do and experience.
14. Even the most casual romantic relationship requires more time and attention than I have to offer.
15. You won't see me flipping cartwheels over #13 and #14, but they've proven true time and again. Whether I accept the truth doesn't change the truth, so today I'm practicing acceptance. "The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it," wrote Flannery O'Connor. Indeed.
16. I accept what-is and I'm open to change.
17. I'm on fire and in love -- and I mean wholeheartedly, unabashedly, full-soul-force wild passionate LOVE -- with photography! That is what I'm meant to be doing with my time. Following those breadcrumbs is where my energy is called to go.
18. I am a fantastic doggie mama. I'd have given birth if I could birth puppies. I love my dogs with every fiber of my being.
19. Certainly hasn't always been the case, but today I'm a good daughter and a good sister. I love and value my parents and brother with all my heart, and I hope both my behavior and attitude convey that.
20. I want to be a better friend. I'm blessed to attract and know a fantastic array of kick-ass people, and I'm an introvert still learning to live outside my comfort zone.
21. I tell myself I have a hard time hurting someone's feelings who's interested in me, but wise ones assure me that the state of others' feelings isn't within Carla Blazek's superpowers. Their story and their feelings are their responsibility. People-pleasing harms everyone, including me. An old therapist once said, "If you don't tell the truth, the right thing can't happen." This, by the way, is the quote on zena moon's speak my truth candle. I should light one later.

Thanks for listening. The main reason I decided to share publicly is to help anyone else who might be feeling similarly not feel alone. That's so important -- not feeling alone. I fully realize I've just put the kibosh on any future dating possibilities and that now would be a lovely time to enter a convent. That's OK. Today I've got my dog, my camera and a good massage therapist.