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Monday, July 19, 2010


Olivia Brown

Your altar is beautiful, Carla.

I heard somewhere that you always go through grief alone; I think that is true. People can support you, which is fantastic (and I know you have a lot of that) and it helps tremendously. But you still go through it alone. You are on your grief path and it will wind back and forth and back and forth and be all your own.

I know that shiny positivity sometimes irritates me too. Life is so multi-dimensional. Sometimes certain philosophies and/or people don't or can't acknowledge that. On the other hand, there is the normal joy of life, and even the routine of life--as people go through it, and it's hard to take when you're grieving. It's hard to believe that it can even be there when the reality is that someone has died and we are lost without them.

I know I felt weird blogging about ordinary things like shoes and contests and chores after Lucy had died. It seemed so trivial. Yet hurtfully, life does go on after death. It seems to me that it is almost blasphemous that it goes on. But it does, and then (this is where I am now) it is okay that it goes on. Memories start to fade and that seems horrible. This makes me angry and seems wrong.

Yet at some other level I marvel at the gift of life and am grateful for who I love. (Actually loved, since they're dead, but I can't write "loved" since I still love them.)

So the grief journey continues...


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Oh Yes

  • "When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life."
    —Jean Shinoda Bolen

Carla Blazek


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