Lucy Belle Blazek Hart

Lucy in the Spokane River, May 2010

My sweet little dog Lucy suddenly and unexpectedly crossed the Rainbow Bridge 48 hours ago. It happened soon after I wrote this blog post, while walking the Dobies along our favorite stretch of the Spokane River. Lucy was excited, happily wagging her stub and hippity hopping into the park when she suddenly slowly laid down on her side and let out a cry. I fell to my knees and held her as she took her last breath. It happened that fast. One second she was here, she was fine, the next she was gone.

We are all stunned and heartbroken, to say the least. We think it was a heart attack. All of her litter had heart problems, and Lucy outlived all but one other littermate.

Words can't do justice to any of this. Not the experience, not the shock, not the love, not the grief.

We've all been embraced with more love and support than I've ever experienced before. Not just me, but also Lucy's brother Silas and all who love Lucy. It is much needed and appreciated by us all. This is an inexpressibly painful and confusing time. All I want is Lucy back. My friend Paula nailed it when she wrote on my Facebook wall:

It's your love spinning round so fast looking for her that's making you hurt. You won't stop missing her but the spinning will settle to a warm place in your heart in time. As you know.

Those of you who know me at all know that my dogs are my kids. All the love in my heart is poured into them. Lucy and I fell in love with each other 10 years ago when she was a crazy cute little 4 month-old puppy. That love grew and grew. She was (still is) the most beautiful and wonderful girl in the world, something I told her every day we were together.

I know that Lucy is still with us in spirit. I've been talking to her -- consoling her, reassuring her -- and trying to listen to her as best I can. Lucy's dad Bryon, stepmom Stacy and I have a session with our longtime animal communicator Polly Klein of Tonglen Healing Arts for Animals next Tuesday.

Silas is grieving too. He's sad and confused, and he's getting showered with love not just from me but from others he loves including zena moon workerbees Max, Abby and Shelby. Part of working here includes loving the Dobies, which they do. A lot. As Max said today, "How could you not love Lucy?"

My heart aches and my stomach hurts and my eyes burn from crying so much. And I am so incredibly grateful I was there with her, holding her sweet self and loving her as she passed.

I am grateful she didn't suffer, or have time to be scared. I am honored that she and / or God (or however it works) believed in me enough to choose me to attend Lucy's sacred passage. The connection Lucy and I recognized in each other 10 years ago is timeless. Right away we knew: she's my girl, I'm her mama. I believe we're still together in spirit, and that one day we'll be together even more intimately than we were here in the Earth realm.

I am grateful for the angel / man who stood vigil while I cradled and wept over her body for 30-45 minutes, calling Bryon and my parents. I wanted to stay there holding her forever. I kept hoping she'd suddenly take a breath and be here again. Finally my legs started hurting and I asked him to carry her to my car. He picked her up like a little baby.

I will never forget the tears in his eyes or how tenderly he laid her in the backseat, arranging her so she was settled and comfortable, fixing her ears that had flopped. (Her ears always flopped.) Or how he said that's how he hopes to go, in the sunshine, enjoying yourself up to the last possible second, then being held by someone you love as you pass quickly.

There's more -- so much more -- but that's all I'm up for right now. I want / need to share more about my girl because she's so amazingly special. Whether you comment or not, I know you are holding Lucy in your heart. Thank you.

And thank you, God, for our Lucy.

Comments

[Joanne]

Carla I am so sorry. I know what it is like I lost my little Mikki in my arms but he made it to 19 years and 10 months (little dogs live the longest usually). Lucy will always be in your heart but the pain will eventually lessen

love Jo

[Dragonflyreflections.wordpress.com]

Oh Carla, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Try to hold onto that moment in the sunshine with your friend and know that she'll always live in your heart.

blessings,
Kelley

[patti digh]

there were angels all around that day. every day. xoxo. peace in this important, vast journey, carla.

[Olivia Brown]

It is so important to tell the story, Carla, and we are here to listen as you are ready. Believe me, I know this, she will live on in your heart and come to you in your dreams. I'm sure you know this, but it always makes me feel a tiny bit better to remember this. I also believe that my dogs live eternally and we will one day be reunited. The love was so strong that it could not be any other way. Love and prayers, O

[Carmen Torbus]

I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

xo,
Carmen

[Jenlouden]

Oh, the aching immeasurable beauty of love, shared and lost. Thank you for sharing your grief with me so I can see the angels and be more alive today. My heart sends love to you and Lucy.

[Quilted Moose]

Carla, I'm so sorry to hear of Lucy's passing. I'm sitting in my quilt room with Chase all curled up on the loveseat. She was 5 1/2 weeks when we brought her home and she has been my shadow for over 7 years. I think about loosing her and it just about rips my heart out. I know nothing we do can prepare us but I hope when the time comes it's on a day like you had...having fun and holding her as she says goodbye. I know with the love you and Silas have will be what gets you through your grief over the next few months. That and all the friends you both have.
Hugs to you both
Emma

[Jaime]

Hi Carla,

I have been quietly reading your blog from behind the scenes for a long long time. I realized tonight, that it has been a while since I last visited and thought I would come over and catch up.
Now I sit here with tears in my eyes as I read through your pain and grief, and I wanted to tell you I am so so sorry for your loss.
I have been here many times, reading your posts and adoring your pictures of your two favourite loves...you have had me laughing out loud more times than I can count...all the funny things Lucy used to do. She was incredibly precious...and she made many people happy...including those of us who adored her from afar.
It just broke my heart to read these words tonight, and I hope that you are slowly finding comfort in your days.
I send you and Silas much love and hugs and healing energy.
Take good good care of yourself.
Godspeed.
xoxoxo