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Sunday, February 17, 2008



Great shot of you on your link - with your STRENGTH ring in the foreground. It would be a fine thing if I could make the claim to act and react perfectly in every given situation, but I can't - ever. Trying to maintain a relationship with my X, largely for the sake of our children, has been an ever-changing deal. Mostly, we have a decent working relationship. In Alanon, I learn to dance my best moves in relationships. What is good for me - what is not. Where and How to set boundaries. Where and How to Detach (with Love). And WAY more. I started the recovery process in this program when I was five years sober ... and one of the great truths for me is this: AA (Grace of God) saved my life; Alanon saves my sanity. Stay Strong.


Carla, right on.
Do what needs doing for you right now. Create a ritual to cut the strings, release the active parts of your now relationship and then when you are ready you can start from a new centered place, with no expectations and not have to hold up a friendship on fresh wounds.

It can work, and it will if it is supposed to. But until then, forgive yourself for things said or unsaid and hold strong to your center and the knowledge that you are loved and supported not only by your hordes of fans and friends and family, but by a power larger than all of us put together.

The light that shines inside you is strong, beautiful and true.


Hi Ta,
Thanks for telling me yesterday what went on with you & Bryon. As I listened to you, I was imaging your break-up...trying to go from being married to just being friends...like a scab you keep picking at. Let it heal, then maybe you can be friends again. Forgive yourself, forgive him...keep on doing all the wonderful things you are doing for yourself. Continue to create your amazing and wonderful life. Keep reminding yourself that what he does (except about the pups) is NOT any of your business anymore. Focus on yourself, nurture yourself, ejoy your life. You are an incredible woman! Love & Blessings, Mama

Kate I

Carla, you have an amazing mama! Just reading the words she wrote here made me want to throw my arms around her! (Hi Mama!!)

She's oh so right...from my own experience with my X, I think the friend stuff has to come later when you've both moved on to new, places and spaces.

And anger can be OK, it can even be healthy. Getting stuck there isn't good but anger can be very empowering!

Kathryn Knoll

We are all mirrors for one another. Sometimes the mirror reflects back to us things we are projecting out that we don't accept as true about ourselves and so it "pisses us off" and we get reactive and try to find the magnificent truth we seek that is often lost in the fogged up image before us. You have chosen to keep yourself unattached and inviolet for the sake of a new relationship, the one you want with yourself. Once you are clear of the love you feel for you, you will never have to project unmet needs on anyone else. The X, on the other hand, may be clueless about who he is or what he has to give so he's off to "hook in the next catch" and hope that she is willing to do all the work as before. (mind you, I'm guessing about his motives) anyway... the thing is, you have made a free choice to love you, first. It is hard sometimes to go forward in your new self, yet so vulnerable and brand new. Like a newly emerged butterfly. The wings need some time to dry and get strong, so don't be too hard on yourself. "surrender, embrace the awesome being you are that everyone wants to love." Blessings, Sr. K

Kim Campbell

As I read about your ex and sharing custody of the doggies, it brought back memories of what my ex did to me.

We agreed (or I did) to share custody of our dog. Pretty soon it turned into an excuse to see me, sprinkled with snippy comments when I was amiable to his pretenses.

After dropping her off one weekend, I just let it go. After a week he wanted to know when I was coming over to get her. When I asked why, he indicated he wanted to see me, even though he was in a new relationship.

I told him he needed to keep her. And let me tell you it was SO HARD, but I knew I had to do something. At first he said he couldn't take care of her and a bucnh of MEAN stuff. The he went on about how she missed me.

I told him she needed to be where she had a big yard and not be shuttled back and forth. I was in an apartment and worked two jobs. I didn't think it was fair to her even though I wanted her. It was too hard on her and too hard on me. Either he kept her or I kept her or he had to give her to our friend who was a bachelor and always wanted her.

I finally came to terms with it a year later. But I know in my heart it was the best for her and everyone all around.

I'm not saying to get rid of your dogs,but I know how it is and how you feel.

Sorry this turned into such a huge post!!!

I'm a big a fan of yours!

Kim Campbell

I meant to say when I was"NOT" amiable to his pretenses. UGH>


Hope things are better! It hasn't been that long and time does heal . . . I've been divorced for 18 yrs and don't want to have anything to do with my x nor does our daughter . . . so sad but it's his loss . . . my partners been divorced for 10 and we're all good friends . . . now . . . it took hard work, and a lot of bumps to hurtle, but if I was ever in need his x would be one of the first persons I'd call . . . Just take care of you and know that your Higher Power is taking care of everything else . . .


I love little talisman's like this. They fill me with such reassurance. Thanks for sharing yours. *smiles*

Temple Woman

i just love you.
i consider it an act of reVOlution when women say how they TRULY are.


My touchstone says 'Blessed Be' ... and holding it does help me center myself. I marvel at how you've managed to share the dogs. When my ex left, he took one and left the other with me ... that worked better for us though I suspect wasn't so wonderful for the dogs. My heart goes out to you as you work through whatever issues remain between you and your 'ex' ...
Hugs and blessings,

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Oh Yes

  • "When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life."
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