Sacred Life Sunday: My Babies

Bryon arrived on Friday with Silas (left) and Lucy. I was soooooo happy to see my babies!

Since Elliott passed and my marriage ended earlier this year, Grief tries again and again to shut down my heart. Grief tells me to batten down the hatches, pull in the oars and stop loving everyone else. Keep out. Grief warns. No trespassing allowed.

Today I feel my emotions, but I don't allow them to reign supreme anymore. I've learned that feelings are not facts. The truth is there is more love in my life than ever before! My relationships with Elliott and Bryon have changed, but the love lives on and is expressed and felt and blossoms in new ways.

I pray to keep my heart open. To be present and available to those I love, especially Lucy and Silas. Sometimes in its militant compulsion to guard my heart, Grief wants to reject them. You're not Elliott.

You're right, Grief, they're not.

They're Lucy and Silas and they deserve my devotion, attention and presence every bit as much as Elliott did. I pray to be compassionate and less judgmental with myself as a mom, too. This is a year of loss, change and adjustment for all of us.

Now I get to go upstairs and snuggle in bed with Lucy on one side, and Silas burrowed under the covers on the other. Even though they drive me crazy sometimes, I love my babies and it's an honor to take care of them -- to be their mom.

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
it is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you every where
like a shadow or a friend.

~Naomi Shihab Nye

For more sacred lives, go here.

Comments

[Patti]

This poetry is pure magic - Naomi Shihab Nye and the Dalai Llama have a lot in common! Yes, be kind to yourself and your babies.

[brandi]

awww!! I want to kiss your babies!!

my baby is a 76 lb rescued weimaraner who has proved very adept at getting into things he shouldn't. :-) I love him to death.

[Rick]

Carla--you are blessed to know the level of your grief, and to allow it through you. The poem says so beautifully the truth all of us will face, one day.

[storyteller]

What precious fur-friends! Thanks for sharing their pictures along with the wonderful collection of Elliott photos. I'm not sure what I would do without my Molly ...(a yellow Lab pooch)... who keeps me from spending too much time indoors these days. In 1989 it was "Zonker" ...(an 85 pound "mutt" who helped me through the death of my mom followed two weeks later by the unexpected departure of my husband of 21 years ...(best friend for 33)... who decided he didn't want to be married anymore ... at least not to ME! Journaling through the grief eventually helped me realize that loss is only loss ... pain is only pain. Neither kills though both can hurt for a long time ... at least until we're ready to move on. Blessings on you and yours.

[Kathryn Knoll]

Carla,
You must read the book: The Female Brain, I can't remember the name of the woman Doc who did the research and wrote the book, but I'm sure if you google the book you will find it right away. That cuddling your"babies" and seeing their sweet faces, remembering all your fond memories of Elliott, there is this hormone that works well in an estrogin rich environment called oxitocin which women find wonderful and softening and does wonders for dealing with stress. I think I e-mailed some of this to you recently. It is really an aha! kind of read. Hey, I started a new blog, since I can't figure out what password I was using with the old one. Who knows what you have inspired. The muses are poised and ready to inspire.

[Cre8Tiva]

beautiful dog friends...they can pull you out of grief...and much more...blessings, rebecca

[Kate I]

I love this poem Carla...so very beautiful in it's truth. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

[Monique]

that is a stunning poem Carla...and the best way to wake up to this day. thank you. (pass along a few pets to the dobies from me ;)

[eileen (the dream)]

Sweet doggies.
And Elliott - doggie with wings.
When I am in the grips of grief and it's hard to take the next breath, I have had a difficult time being present for those who are part of my here and now. I love your honesty - you really have been through big life stuff this past year, no doubt. GRACE is carrying you through ... and me, I am grateful to say.

[maryam in marrakesh]

You are such a survivor! Beauty is all around us. We just need to be able to see it.

[Angela]

Thanks for posting that poem, Carla. It's one of my favorites and I haven't read it in a long time. Sorrow is far from my life lately, but I've been there. My heart is with you. Keep persisting in your openness.

[Jane]

Fantastic post, Carla! I too have experienced grief lately and yet at the same time, growth keeps presenting itself. It's an odd sensation. I relate to what you say about grief not allowing you to let others in at times and I also pray daily for my heart to stay open and let forgiveness and kindness back in. To know our grief and embrace it is also to move forward in a more loving way.

[inlandempiregirl]

Thank you so much for posting this poem. I have used her work with my students and for my own writing inspiration, but this was one I hadn't read. I will now add it to my collection.

[Caroline]

I can relate to this post so much. This year has been nothing but loss for me. Less then a week ago I had to put one of my beloved cats to sleep. I had no idea how much I would miss Brady.

Thanks for sharing this poem.

[Kim Campbell]

There is an excellent article in Bark Magazine about this exact same thing with our dogs.

Love your blog!