1st Annual Ask For Help Day

Squeeze shampoo into palm. Rub on head. Rinse. It's one of those days I have to make myself move. through. each. step. one. by. one.

As I sit here wanting to cancel my 10am training session, Justin my kickass personal trainer calls to cancel our 10am training session. Now I sit here weeping with gratitude. Thank you Justin and thank you God. When I first started working out with Justin, I decided to look for God's message in Justin's words. Here it is again.

I'm waiting for the inspection report on my amazing new house which was supposed to come yesterday and is now promised today. I'm waiting for my new Canon Digital Rebel XT Camera which was supposed to come days ago and is now promised tomorrow. I'm waiting for a dream about Elliott. I'm waiting to hear from a friend after sharing news I doubt she wanted to hear. I'm waiting to close on my house. I'm waiting to move. I'm waiting to start this new life I had no goddam intention of starting. I do not wait well. Especially when I'm hurting and massively uncomfortable. Liminality.

Last night I spent hours reading blogs by creative women and Bob. I longed to email myself to you, crawl out of your Inbox and curl up quietly under your desk. I wanted to sit silently and just be with you while you fold fabric or paint or write or color in your journal or take photos. Artistically I am empty inside, and I (mostly) wholeheartedly accept this. I accept that my energy is going into the creation of LIFE and LOVE and the expression of LIFE and LOVE. I wish I was going to Artfest not to participate, but simply to observe, absorb and soak up the energy.

I have neither the energy nor desire to explain. It's enough just to say.

Yesterday morning after our AA meeting, a friend took me to St. Joseph's. On the front door was a flyer with a photo of my sponsor / spiritual director! HA! God is everywhere, constantly looking to delight us and remind us we're not alone. My friend and I sat by ourselves in the sanctuary, in the front row, quietly talking. St. Joe's is where my friend took his 3rd step (Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God) and I was honored to be invited into his sacred space.

I've designated today Ask For Help Day. Last night I told my Mama I need help on more levels than I even know how to recognize. Here's what I'm committed to doing today (strikeout means I've done it):

1. Pray
2. Send email to friends and family asking for prayers, support and practical help before, during and after my move to Spokane
3. Call at least two (2) AA women in Spokane who gave me their numbers -- connect to my new community
4. Call at least two (2) AA women friends here
5. Say YES to offers of help (it's one thing to ask, another to accept)

Where do you need to ask for help today?

Comments

[Beverly]

Hey Carla, There's a new batch of pictures on Keaton's blog and one of them is a picture of his 3-year-old brother Noah. I asked him why he drew Noah holding a shovel. Keaton matter-of-factly explained that Noah sometimes uses a shovel as a weapon. I accepted it at face value and silently giggled. If you see the picture, I think you will understand.

So if you were going to draw a picture with markers today, what would you draw?

I have to go now. A guy is on is way over to give me a quote on "helping" me paint the rest of the exterior of our house.

Surrender and aksing for help...it's really liberating, isn't it?

Love,
Beverly

[daisies]

i am and will send you postive prayers during and after your move to Spokane ...

months after my twins passed and we moved into our new house, i told a friend that i felt like i couldn't create, my muse was gone and her wonderful artist self told me that there are times in life where we have to just be inside ourselves while we transition ~ i think of it as a period of quiet growth and when we are ready, we will bloom again in bursts of colour ... i hope you enjoy your quiet growth time :)

today, thankfully, i have no need to ask for help so i have plenty to give to those who need my help :)

[leah]

sending loads of love and prayers out to you. (((Hug)))

[Cousin Christine]

Carla - Michael and I are always one day (DRIVING, according to his sweet self) away from physically helping you for whatever you need. He adores you - clicked with your spirit at the first sip of latte. We are also always nanoseconds away from you in spirit, for whatever you need. Love you so much and am thinking of you daily. You are doing hard work. Somedays a shower can SLAY me and I admire you slogging through it...to find the days when you will DANCE through it. Kisses, Cuz

[JourneyThroughLife]

Such an honest, searching and pro-active post. I'll give a big thank you to Justin and God for you as well!! :) Sometimes those little steps are all we can take. Good on ya for taking them!
Thank you for listing the third step. It sent me on a whole prayer of my own. Which also covered the question of where I need help.
Love,
JTL
xxx

[Eileen Miller]

Carla,
Surrender ... I am so grateful today for every moment of my life. When I am impatient, it is another learning opportunity. I believe that God is putting learning opportunies in my path ... helping me to recognize my true self, guiding me to becoming a better woman. I spoke with a friend last night - you know, "the meeting before the meeting." She and I were discussing this very thing. I was awed at her level of acceptance, as she faces a difficult few weeks ahead. How fortunate we are to have people in the rooms who are living examples of Grace. I'm here, keeping you in prayer.

[Stacy Brice]

Artistically empty? Your writing soars.

Trust me, dear one...if "all" you can do is share yourself in words, it's enough. It's a masterpiece. You are a masterpiece.

Love,
me

[Eileen Miller]

Zags tonight! The Terps won this afternoon -lovin' March Madness!

[Claudia]

Carla.
Deep Breath.
Have you considered that God has a new direction for you, and he/she/it is smaking you over the head with a two by four about getting on with it? And right now you have to focus on only getting to the new destination. The camera will come. You needed to do that thing with the retreat. AA tells you one day at a time, right? Or if necessary one minute at a time, one second at a time. Whatever it takes to stay sane. Don't look at what you have to do the day after tomorrow. What do you reasonably need to do today? What do you reasonably need to do right now? If you reasonably need to tske a bubble bath, do it! The rest of us will be here to support you until you can look outside of right now!

[Scout]

:-) Carly.
Peace.

[maria]

I am getting divorce, it has been very nasty! I thought the love of my life will always be there to help me, encourage me, just to find out the love of my live, turned agaisnt me, that he wished for me to fall, and to be in trouble with the law accusing me of abusing my child physically... the courts saw right thru him, but it is hard to assimilate he never loved me, nor he had any devotion for me or his son or his step children, who he helped to raise for 5 years. in may 10th my divorce will be final and i don't feel strong enough to handle that with out tears, it has been already one year and a half and still hurst like the first day.

Please pray for me and my kids. Jessie, Ivan and Tony.

Maria Krohn.