Self-Talk

It happens so suddenly. One night I'm groovin' high at discovering a kindred spirit (in Seattle!), and the next morning I wake up feeling as though I've lost my way. Three days and nights of despair, frustration and emptiness. My nature is to think This is it. This is how I'll feel forever.

No.

This is how I feel today.

Overdramatizing is one of the many ways I scare myself. I have a feeling, then I panic, then I overreact: "OMIGOD! I'm hopeless! STOP EVERYTHING!"

My friends respond differently, and I love them for it. I say something dramatic or fatalistic about myself, and they say, "You're OK. It's normal. No biggie."

I'm grateful they're teaching me how talk to myself. How to respond to myself (vs. react/overreact).

Calmly. Compassionately. Quietly. Reassuring.

What would I say to you if you were blocked, frustrated, fearful and disconnected from Spirit? I would never say what I say to myself, which is "OMIGOD! That's AWFUL! You're DOOMED!"

I would say...

No worries, honey, it's all perfectly natural! Creative blocks happen. Spiritual blocks happen. It's OK to be in a lull. Nothing to worry about. It happens to everyone and it'll pass. In the meantime, try something new. You've been through a scare with Elliott, and the truth is this is a new, scary, holy time with him. Of course you're scared! It's OK to be exactly where you are. Pivot towards that which feeds you. Keep going through the right motions -- keep praying -- keep moving -- keep loving -- the feelings will follow. Most of all, don't worry!

You're fine. You're loved.
You're still connected even when you don't feel like it.
No biggie.

Comments

[liz elayne]

once again, you share the very words i need to read. thank you. i am a bit lost at the moment, sad, tired...but everything is gonna be alright...

[Calissa]

Ditto liz elayne's comment...... once again, my dear, you have spoken straight to my heart. It's like you take the words from my mind and put them on your blog. I do that ALL the time, which is part of the emotion regulation I'm working on..... learning to step back and remind myself that extreme thinking is not rational. My thoughts always tumble down the mountain of hopelessness, gathering speed until I feel like they won't ever stop.... so I panic and freak out and think they'll never end and I'll feel this way forever... and then that leads to horrible thoughts of "Why keep doing this?" One day I'll be "fine" and the next day I have visions of swerving the steering wheel..... more than EVER, I now understand the idea that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Whenever I struggle with those thoughts now, I can thankfully remind myself that the intense feelings and thoughts DO eventually simmer if I give myself time and patience and grace. And remember to talk kindly to myself, as I would talk to a friend in crisis. I am going to read your "No worries, honey" paragraph often.... whenever I need to hear those words.

Hugs to you, calissa

p.s. sorry my comments are often so long.

[susannah]

in this moment we are okay. in the next moment, we will be okay: tomorrow will take care of itself.... this is what i am reminding myself, so your post is very timely sweetpea xo

[leah]

ah, yes, so true, so true. it's amazing how the kind words are there if we just ask for them. xoxoxo

[Cathy]

Thanks. Love you!

[daisies]

:) absolutely, thank you again for your words!

[Kelly]

Every other blog today is saying this same thing. It helps me so much to know other humans, including spiritual humans with Faith, go through these times. K

[Abbey of the Arts]

Hi Carla, Thanks so much for the link! I tried to email you but I'm not sure if it went through. I am delighted to find a kindred spirit nearby as well. Blessings during these dark moments, Christine

[jenn]

Dear Carla,
just yesterday I was thinking the same thing! small private thought as walking into grocery store - one day I'm up, one day I'm down; on the up days everything is clear, I know my objectives, I'm motivated. But lack of sleep, or too much wine or caffeine, who knows what triggers it, and boom, all I feel is disconnected from my truth.
Thanks for the reminder; there is so Much Love. Glad to see you're doing the workshop with Lisa!
best, jenn