Some days run smoothly, some don't. At the gym this morning, after grousing to myself for a solid hour how I sooooo didn't want to workout, after concocting various lies with which to cancel a 10am session with Justin my kickass personal trainer (my dog is sick, I'm sick, I fell down, a cat got caught under the hood of my car and I'm too traumatized to drive), after feeling overwhelmed with everything I need and want to do today, after leaving voicemail to a wholesale customer who's late paying for the zillionth (and last) time, after putting on a T-shirt that made me look HUGELY fat, after pitching said T-shirt into a giveaway box, after slipsliding in slush, after parking a hundred miles away from the gym's door, after forgetting my lock combination, after scratching my arm on the goddam locker, I let out a deep breath and prayed for acceptance that today is simply a not-smooth day.
Then I hooked up with Justin and burned my muscles into shreds. I'm still in a pissy mood, still overwhelmed, still want to isolate, still want to lose 40 lbs (instantly, thankyouverymuch) and divorce Bryon and sell zena moon and join a convent (a progressive and fun convent of course), but at least the you-should-have-worked-out voice is silent today. Today I'll take any victory I can get, no matter how miniscule.
How did you reach outside your comfort zone this week?
Funny I should ask, I was just thinking about that while swimming laps this morning! (See, I'm not even funny today.) I think my biggest stretch this week was speaking my truth despite feeling vulnerable. Wednesday via The Ugly Comparison Game post, Thursday at an AA meeting and today via this post.
Now it's Friday, it's the New Moon and this moonbeam needs to rest. I wish I felt more than the sum of my to-do lists ... but some days are smooth, and some aren't, and I've just gotta hang on and make the best of today.
Everything has its wonders,
even darkness and silence, and I learn,
whatever state I may be in, therein to be content.
~Helen Keller
P.S. After the gym I rewarded myself with new colored pencils and a box of Junior Mints. Not-smooth days merit fun treats. :)
(Photo by Pedro Anahory.)
I feel such a kinship with you. I can't even describe it. Your words so often speak my deepest heart. I answered your question on my blog.... talked about my biggest stretch for this week. It turned into a very long, emotional post.... one that revealed more about myself than I ever imagined I would write... sitting here in tears trying to find peace. I am glad I wrote it. It is encouraging to think of the ways I reach outside my comfort zone... typing that post was a definite one.
Anyway, you're the best. Thank you for sharing your victories and being honest about your struggles. You have no idea how much it blessed me tonight.
MUCH love to you.
Posted by: Calissa | Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 07:54 PM
The Grand Plan? :
you divorce bryon.
i divorce jim.
we live on orcas island with some goats and maybe bunnies and perhaps a couple ducks or chickens and maggie of course.
we make cheese and candles and collect eggs or feathers and make more bunnies and concoct potions to cure all sorts of things and we paint and write and have people over to lounge in warm sunlit squares on our three season porch covered with pillows with crazy mismatched patterns on them and soft comfortable couches no one ever wants to leave.
we have veggies and fruit and sparkling water and work for people who want to help, you know, by nailing in shingles or weeding our untamed garden or making scrambled eggs or collecting sunlight.
I dinno.
Sounds good to me.
Posted by: | Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 10:42 PM