The Password is No

I'm exhausted. Again. July was extremely busy with travel and socializing, and I'm still recuperating. I'm also still acclimating my time and energy to being in a relationship. Like it or not, my energy reserves (physical, mental and emotional) aren't what they used to be. I tire out very, very easily. I have always -- my entire life -- needed LOTS of downtime, lots of quiet, lots of rest. This is not always easy for those wired differently to understand and / or accept, and the ironic part is how much time / energy it takes to explain, remind, etc.

I'm extremely sensitive to energy, and although it might not always be apparent, I'm an introvert. Being with people wears me out, sometimes even people I love most. Loud raucousness wears me out. I'm not complaining at all, this is who I am and how I was created.

Since my goddaughter left, I've been more tired than usual. Leftover fatigue from July, I think. I feel like an empty tank of gas, filling up 1/8 tank then running back down to empty. Last week I went to dinner when I was already tired and the next day I battled body aches. I'm PMSing (requiring even more downtime and rest) and last night I went to a loudish meeting then a loudish birthday party that was more high-energy than I could handle. Today I'm paying for it.

I need to pay attention. I need to take care of my body (and the rest of me).

So I've decided to go on a social hiatus. For the next two weeks, I'm not doing anything or going anywhere that even MIGHT deplete my energy. (In all honesty it probably needs to extend longer than two weeks.) People are going to be disappointed -- *I'm* going to be disappointed -- and that's OK. My busy work season is just around the corner, and health-wise I can't afford to enter it tired much less utterly drained.

Comments

[Laure]

totally get this. i'm an extremely sensitive introvert. it took me years to figure out the importance of 'no' in a world that majors on extroversion. we sensitive introverts are in the minority on this planet ... which means self-care is not modeled too often or well. but it is essential. it is a great kindness. i suspect you're right ... two weeks probably won't be enough. disappointment is small cost for wisdom!

[Leesa]

I hear you sister. I have been this way all my life as well. I savour all the quiet alone time I can gather. First thing in the morning I am quiet, spending at least a hour (more when possible) waking slowly and allowing my dreams to interweave with my being...listening to the sounds of nature while still in bed. I meditate as I go about a ritual of morning routine. At some point in the day I try to connect with the earth by walking bare footed upon her body and just being still in the warmth of the day. Other times I need the entire day, days and even week to just be with my own thoughts and company. Journaling, creating and dreaming help me detox from too much stimulation/noise. I really enjoy everything you share. Thank you for being honest and for being zena moon! namaste.

[Michele]

Kudos to you that you know yourself well enough and that you accept that it is part of who you are and that no excuses are necessary!! Enjoy your time out.

[jenn]

Carla
I can so relate. Am married to a Gemini with large family, and we just had a wedding at our house for nephew /niece. Wonderful, but too much party! next door we have lovely friends who love to drop in with a bottle of wine and drink till midnight. It is lovely to have friends and social life, can't withdraw completely from that, however, No is necessary. I am often the 'odd one out' who isn't there, who goes on retreat, who is looked askance at when my children and hubby are there, but I am not. This is who I am, oversensitive and in need of time alone (come from a large family of 8 and I still remember being up in a tree house or in the woods behind some rocks, longing for quiet and nature). It's becoming easier to accept in my 50's, that I am not antisocial, just needing peace to function well.
thanks for the post,
jenn

[Toni]

An essay I wrote about 8 years ago on the subject of busyness.

“Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon,” says pulp fiction author Susan Ertz. Our culture celebrates a full calendar. In the past, I would sit with my friends and listen as they listed the activities their children were involved in, as if the more they had on they’re list, the better mothers they were. It seemed that the more functions they themselves were involved in, the further their chests puffed out with pride.

I also thought my busyness made me a very important person. Shuttling my children from soccer to dance to play practice. I would bake a dozen cookies for this or create a costume for that event and finally fit in a workout at the gym with a kiss for my husband as he came in the door, and I walked out. Now I realize that our busyness made mom a very exhausted person.

And so, I finally did something to regain my balance. I streamlined my life by learning to say “no”. Not only to others but also to my children. And I stopped berating myself for not having that long to do list.

My favorite chapter in the book, Shelter for the Spirit by Victoria Moran is titled “Sitting”. Sitting is what the Buddhists call meditation. Moran makes some very valid points about how our society “applauds activity and distrusts stillness”.

“Examples of this are everywhere,” Moran writes, “Any exercise instructor will tell you, for instance, that it’s customary for a third of the class to leave before the end, before the quiet part, the stretching, the relaxation. They’d rather have sore calves and tight shoulders than allow themselves five minutes of relative idleness.” The quiet part was always my favorite time in my exercise class. Sometimes, it was the only moment during that day I was able to sit and relax.

I have a four-year-old son so I have an excuse to be at the playground. No one should need an excuse to be at the playground. If you feel funny being there alone, borrow someone else’s child for the afternoon. Free babysitting is always a welcome offer to a busy mom. Often I take a book to read. Some days the book sits in my lap, untouched, as I ponder the trees swaying in the breeze or watch my son climbing and running with glee. I have been known to take my turn on the slide or swings. When I do, people stare, but then they smile as if to say, “I wish I had the nerve to do that in public”. Or maybe they’re just thinking I’m a little touched in the head. Maybe they need to become a little touched in the head also.

“As a culture we have far more free or leisure time than at any time in the world’s civilization. Yet what we have done is to take our centuries-old work ethic and transferred it to our leisure time. It’s common to see people tossing their golf clubs, tennis rackets, or fishing poles in disgust because their performance isn’t meeting their hopes or expectations.” Write Richard Carlson and Joseph Bailey in their book, Slowing Down to The Speed Of Life.

Even on vacation I have noticed that my friends try to cram as much as they can into each day. By the time they come home, they need a week to recover from their vacations. Sheepishly, I admit, I have vacationed this way once or twice, pulling my children from activity to activity, when all they wanted was to play in the park.

Next vacation, we will go to the beach. We will bring lounge chairs, stacks of books and sandcastle building tools. And we will play at the playground, and sit near the ocean. My books may lie in my lap as I watch my children play in the surf, or they may sit in my lounge chair as I catch a wave or two myself. But I won’t need another week to recover from my vacation.

Remember those rainy days that were mentioned earlier? My favorite activities for that time are reading or napping. Not necessarily in that order. Does that mean I do not long for immortality?

As long as there are good books and comfortable hammocks to nap in I’d love it.