Reactive Anxiety

Today I'm imagining that I'm living in this gorgeous autumn photo. Everything I do, feel, think and decide happens in the tranquil framework of this photo. I am on the bridge, in the leaves. I have limits.

How easily I am overwhelmed lately, faced with with orders to fill, retreat details to finalize, emails to answer, neglected blogs to tend to, hardware to troubleshoot, employees to hire. I am too frazzled to access, much less put into practice, any wisdom of my own. I need outside help. My To-Do list mysteriously grows and expands no matter how many tasks I scramble to accomplish. This is no way to live.

Ah, those three magical, liberating words: I need help.

Last night I dreamed I worked at Microsoft again. In the dream, I decided to give it a whirl, what the heck!, in addition to running zena moon, writing a book, launching a series of women's retreats, working a program of recovery and living a life. Clearly my brain is out of its mind, even in sleep.

Both the dishwasher and the laundry are running. I love the sound of washing machines whirring in the background, the smell of Cheer and Cascade. Something else is getting the work done (and smelling good to boot!).

I've saved this daily reflection I received earlier this month for a day exactly like this one.

Go easy. You may have to push forward, but you don't have to push so hard. Go in gentleness, go in peace.

Do not be in so much of a hurry. At no day, no hour, no time are you required to do more than you can do in peace. Frantic behaviors and urgency are not the foundation for our new way of life.

Do not be in such a hurry to begin. Begin, but do not force the beginning if it is not time. Beginnings will arrive soon enough.

Enjoy and relish the middles, the heart of the matter.

Do not be in too much of a hurry to finish. You may almost be done, but enjoy the final moments. Give yourself fully to those moments so that you may give and get all there is.

Let the pace flow naturally. Move forward. Start. Keep moving forward. Do it gently, though. Do it in peace. Cherish each moment.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

(Photo by TouTouke.)

Comments

[liz elayne]

go in gentleness. i love this image.

we are having gorgeous fall weather in our neck of the woods. i love living in the pacific northwest.

thank you for this invitation to admit when we need help. yes. this is a reminder that i need.

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