Women at Rest

Quieting the Inner Taskmistress

I was about to sit down and confess I have not been working on my book. As my fingertips lightly assumed position on the ASDF JKL; keys I realized: I don't know this is true.

What is true is that I have not written in my book for several days. What's also true is that I don't know what's cooking, bubbling, gestating, forming inside the warm ovens of my psyche and creative belly.

I remind my Inner Taskmistress who I've dubbed Mildred (pictured at right) that idleness is a necessary part of the creative process. I share with her novelist James Norman Hall's quote: "Loafing is the most productive part of a writer's life."

I remind myself that life holds cycles, sometimes many an hour!, and how vital it is to accept our personal cycles. Sometimes we are arid creative deserts, and sometimes -- like presently for me -- life is intensely fertile and amazing and must be lived and absorbed as well as written about.

For the first time in ages I visited Wish Jar Journal this morning and found this lovely quote by Corita Kent:

"I have an idea for making something or I have a deadline... and I always have a kind of natural resistance to getting down to it. Somehow I feel this kind of natural resistance is quite healthy -- because all the information, sources and ideas need cooking before they can be served. So I go on living and I go on doing what might seem to be very uncreative things like shopping or cooking or washing the dishes or answering the phone or writing letters -- and sometimes the data comes out and asserts itself into my consciousness, and I live with it for a while."

I realize I can hold two truths at once: 1.) I need to write my book, and 2.) Being harsh and critical isn't going to get it written!

So I pivot to the positive: daydreaming, listening to others' experiences and wisdom, nurturing my connection to God, blogging here and elsewhere, planning the retreats I'm holding next year is all good, rich, necessary stuff serving my soul's purpose! I am the opposite of shut down and lazy (hear that, Mildred?), I am more awake, alive and active than ever before!

Anyway,  it really doesn't matter what we have or haven't been doing. What matters is what we do today. Today I will harvest what I've been experiencing. I will write and pray and take care of my dogs. This is all that's required. This is enough.

P.S. Thanks for reading / listening to me turn myself in the right direction! :)

I Want to Hear From You

I'm beginning to work on creating a series of Women at Rest & Renewal retreats beginning in 2007, and who better to help craft them than YOU?!

Here are some of my wonderings so far. Feel free to answer any or all that speak to you, or anything else you're moved to share.

1. Have you ever been on a retreat?
2. If no, does it interest you?
3. If yes, what have been your favorite / least favorite parts?
4. How much group / personal time per day sounds appealing to you?
5. Would you be willing to share a room for a lower cost?

Most important: What would YOU wish to experience on a Women at Rest & Renewal retreat?

Please click over to this wishlist of Possible Retreat Offerings and choose anything and everything that appeals to you. If you think of something not on the list, let me know abaout it!

Feel free to share your thoughts here, or email me privately at carla@womenatrest.com. I sooooo look forward to hearing from you, and creating sacred spaces that serve your needs. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Blessings,

Day 3 of Gentleness

I have the right to do less than I am humanly capable of.
~Unknown

I am proud and somewhat astonished to report that I have not picked up, much less raised, the bar today. It remains way down low. A gentle, easy day of action and repose.

Make bed. Write for 45 minutes. Shower. Fix lunch. Post thoughtfully on my blogs. Read others' blogs. Leave comments. Find out where to buy Sonoma Sparkler Peach Cider locally (it's beyond yummy). Contact Breitenbush about holding a retreat there. Ignore background chorus who begin softly chanting the Should Do-Do's in the background ("should write longer, swim, put away clothes, pick out paint colors, do, Do, DO...").

Today I allow no recriminations within myself. Just permission.

Adjusting Our Sails

Back home, utterly spent. Loved reading your comments and emails -- what a gift to return to! Thank you!

I thought I would immediately put into action my wonderful daily rhythm discovered in Taos -- breakfast, write, swim, lunch, write until dinner -- but as is so often true, my expectations exceed my capacity and reality pops my unconscious fantasy bubble. Sabbatical or no, I did not factor in the need to slowly gentle myself through Real Life re-entry.

A family clamoring for a few crumbs of my attention, laundry, bills, stacks of mail, two People magazines, a fridge to de-masculinize (B actually looked surprised when I asked him to move three containers of worms and one bag of fish guts to the shop fridge).

Then there's Life's Big Shit, the unexpected curve balls that overshadow all. Within hours of my return I learned one of my friends had died suddenly and unexpectedly. And so I spent yesterday in a daze, staring at his photo, crying with friends, finally curling up under a blanket to do crossword puzzles while half-watching four back-to-back episodes of Law & Order. Toasted cheese sandwich for dinner. Asleep by 9:00. Good, solid, gentle comfort.

Life -- and tragedy -- happens.

We cannot change the direction of the wind, but we can adjust our sails.

There's so much I want to explore and ask YOU about adjusting our sails -- such a key part of living restfully! -- but it will have to wait for another day.

Today I had to set down the bar of expectations for myself. Ditto this weekend. If I write, great; if not, that's perfectly OK. The fewer plans I have, the richer and fuller life gets to unfold and be. This weekend I am learning from my mistakes and choosing gentleness with myself. Tomorrow is a memorial service on the beach honoring someone I cared very much about. That's enough for this woman at rest. That's enough ... and best of all it leaves time + room for Spirit to dance with and through me ... which is what we all long for, isn't it?

Wild Desert Magic

"I have no news, nothing happens here but miracles."
~Mabel Dodge Luhan, on life in Taos

Yesterday I wrote the first draft of the Introduction for Women at Rest. Surreal (and exciting) to be able to say that! Some of the smoothest, easiest writing I've ever done.

Speaking of surreal, my angels were hard at work last night orchestrating meetings and coincidences. I have an incredible story to tell that has so completely knocked my socks off ... but it's way too BIG and fresh to write about yet.

Today I felt so spiritually full, and like I accomplished enough yesterday, that I decided to slack off work. Went for lunch al fresco at the funky yummy Dragonfly Cafe with my retreat compadre and new friend Lisa Evans of Playful Spirit, and began exploring the idea of leading a "Rest & Play" women's retreat together next spring. I think it's gonna happen! (Unless I chicken out, please God I don't want to chicken out anymore.)

Interesting moment when I told someone I took today off writing and sensed (probably falsely) a small judgment from them. So very tired of catching myself seeking approval / permission from others to validate what's right for me.

The difference is I'm learning to bust myself in the moment and redirect my thinking. I actually said to myself, out loud (but out of earshot from others), "You don't need her approval -- only your own."

Amen to that!