Women at Rest

Coming Up For Air

Beautiful morning here in Taos, sunny, mid 70s, quiet, clear. Fell asleep last night serenaded by young coyotes howling beneath my window. Maybe the night lightning scared them.  This morning I woke early, showered, said my prayers then sat down to a delicious breakfast of eggs with black beans and cheese, blue corn spoonbread, bacon (this place makes the best bacon on Earth!), oatmeal with melted brown sugar, fresh fruit and a glass of milk. Believe it or not there were several offerings I didn't eat! Most meals I enjoy eating communally, but this morning I felt quiet and the conversation at my table veered a bit negative so I finished quickly and found a couch to read a little more of The Alchemist (which I've never read and am loving) before our morning gathering.

The Universe often speaks to us through other people's mouths. Yesterday afternoon Suzanne Falter-Barns and I followed our daily retreat tradition of swimming at a local pool. For quite a while we were the only inhabitants, until a woman and her toddler son hopped in. I was impressed by the kid's fearlessness of the water, and told the woman so.

"The only problem," she said, "is he forgets to come up for air."

Later we were in our evening group circle, sharing our Conditions for Satisfaction for the retreat. Conditions for Satisfaction are 1-3 measurable things that if we do this week, we'll be satsified. Because of our tendency to push ourselves too hard, we're taught to set the bar very low. One woman will be satisfied if she's still here at the end of the week. Many have to do with showing up for our writing during our daily designated writing time. As we moved round the circle, the pool woman's comment flooded forth and I knew in my heart it was a message from God for me to remember to come up for air.

So that is one of my Conditions of Satisfaction this week, to come up for air from my work at least twice a day. I can do this many ways: go for a swim, take a walk, do yoga, read, paint my toenails (Opi has the most fabulous new colors), talk with someone, daydream. As soon as I finish this post I'm plunging straight into my writing where I'm going to explore this very idea. Already I have a strong suspicion this will be a good practice to bring back into real life.

The Birthplace of Women at Rest

I am here.  Taos in general and the Mabel Dodge Luhan House in particular is home to my writerself, this warm, dry, sage-scented womb where Women at Rest incubates and grows.

This year is massively different.  For one thing, I am chomping at the bit to write!  I've procrastinated long enough (which I don't recommend) that at last my fears and anxieties are smaller than my dreams.  So far it's all I can do to show up for our morning council circle and meals.  I just want to write!  The book is ready to come out, and there is an unstoppable compulsion to let my fingers fly and let it out.

Suzanne Falter-Barns calls this sensation percolating.  Words, phrases and ideas are percolating.  My job is twofold:

1. Pray
2. Keep  my butt in the chair and write

Amazingly (and thankfully!) I'm no longer worried -- at least right now -- what all I'm going to say or how it will be received, interpreted, panned, loved by others.  First and foremost I have to write for me.  Like much in life, the outcome is out of my control.  What a relief to accept that and simply do what's at hand.  And flick spiders off my laptop.  Which happens when you sit outside, writing...

We Go to Great Lengths Not to Hear Our Inner Voices

Where can I find an hour a day?
To turn away from duty,
to release that energy
into something creative for myself
is like being tossed into a washing machine.
Can I really believe
I am worth an hour a day?
Am I, who have given my life to others,
selfish enough to take one hour a day
to find myself?

~Marion Woodman, Coming Home to Myself

The Goose Story

Next
fall, when
you see Geese
heading South for
the Winter, flying along
in V formation, you might
consider what science has dis-
covered as to why they fly that way: as each bird flaps its wings,
it creates an uplift for the bird im-mediately following. By flying in
V formation the whole flock adds at least 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own.

People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going more quickly and easily because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.

When
a goose falls
out of formation,
it suddenly feels the drag
and resistance of trying to go it alone
and quickly gets back into formation to take
advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front.

If we have as much sense as a goose, we will stay in formation with those who are headed the same way we are.

When
the Head Goose
gets tired, it rotates back
in the wing and another goose flies point.

It is sensible to take turns doing demanding jobs with people or with geese flying South.

Geese
honk from behind to
encourage those up front to keep up their speed.

What do we say when we honk from behind?

Finally,
and this is important,
when a goose gets sick, or is
wounded by gunshots and falls out
of formation, two other geese fall out with that
goose and follow it down to lend help and protection.
They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly, or until
it dies. Only then do they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their group.

If we have the sense of a goose, we will stand by each other like that.

by Dr. Harry Clarke Noyes
ARCS NEWS, Vol. 7, No. 1, January 1992

More About My Writing Sabbatical

Only a little over 3 weeks until my sabbatical begins. I'm not sure whether I've mentioned it before, but the reason behind my sabbatical is to allow me to focus 100% on writing the book "Women at Rest." The mother soul of this blog!

August is a relatively slow month at zena moon, but you know what? Slow or not, I always manage to whip up busywork -- organizing papers, exploring new blogs, playing with fonts, meandering through Amazon.com -- mostly time-wasting stuff that detracts me from writing. It drives me nuts! Every writer knows we provide endless distractions for ourselves! Cleaning our desk, filling our water glass, watering plants, scouring the fridge, watching butterflies... Anything to avoid the blank page.

Because I'm afraid, and that's what keeps my pages blank. Afraid I won't do justice to the subject. Afraid of being imperfect, mediocre, dull. For years I've let these fears trump my dream. This book that I know is my soulwork, a collaboration with Spirit.

Even novelist Margaret Atwood, with all her literary and critical acclaim, says, "The fact is that blank pages inspire me with terror. What will I put on them? Will it be good enough? Will I have to throw it out?"

The difference (so far) is that she pushes past that terror.

I know myself well enough to know I need(ed) a specially designated period of time dedicated to working on my book. No candlemaking, no zena moon-related emails or phone calls, no zena musings for that matter. Nothing, hopefully, to distract me from "Women at Rest."

A couple years ago, I mentioned to my mentor Jennifer Louden that I feel somewhere this book is already written, and my job is simply to do the footwork (i.e., write) that gives form to it. To explore and unwrap its contents -- by writing -- and joyfully share the surprises of my discoveries.

In a little over 3 weeks, the adventure begins. This blog will be there, every step of the way!

Mammogram Humor

In honor of my upcoming mammogram today, here's a little humor to lighten up our day (author unknown)...

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test! Best of all, these simple exercises can be done at home.

Exercise 1
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in the door. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on it for good measure. Hold that position for 5 seconds. Repeat with other breast.

Exercise 2
Visit your garage at 3am when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Remove your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back up the car until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.

Exercise 3
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Ask the stranger to smash the bookends together as hard as they can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

You are now properly prepared!

The A-Z of Me

Just saw this easygoing meme at Stacy's blog and thought I'd have a little fun while sharing a bit more of myself -- and invite you to do the same!

Accent: Those raised in the northwest have no accents!

Booze: Had plenty, don't drink anymore

Chore I Hate: Emptying the dishwasher

Dogs/Cats: Three beloved pooches Elliott, Lucy & Silas

Essential Electronics: Computer, handheld Yahtzee

Favorite Perfume: Normally I stick with softly scented soaps and lotions, but I do wear Antaeus Pour Homme by Chanel (a scrumptuous men's cologne) once or twice a year

Gold/Silver: Silver

Hometown: Spokane, Washington

Insomnia: Rarely since leaving Microsoft to start zena moon, usually cured by several midnight rounds of Yahtzee

Job Title: creator

Kids: No human kids

Living Arrangements: With spouse + our 3 dogs in a small house in a semi-rural area

Most Admired Trait: Openness and honesty

Number of Sexual Partners: Unlike Stacy, I'm no lady, but still think I'll keep this one private :)

Overnight Hospital Stays: Zero (knock on wood)

Phobia: Heights, small enclosed spaces, large crowds

Quote: "If you dream it, you can do it." ~Walt Disney

Religion: I left organized religion at 17 ... today my spiritual beliefs and practice are a deeply personal blend of Native American, Catholicism, Pagan and Buddhism

Siblings: One younger brother

Time I Usually Wake Up: 5.40am to attend 7.00 AA meeting

Unusual Talent: Hmmm, I've been mulling this over quite a while and can't think of one!

Worst Habit: Overindulging on sweets

X-rays: Just once, last year when I was bitten by a dog

Yummy Foods I Make: Spaghetti, Tortelloni w/Ham & Peas, Slow Roast Beef w/Mashed Potatoes & Gravy, various types of risotto, Au Gratin Potatoes, Beef Barley Soup, Baked Halibut, Grilled Salmon w/Herbs, Chicken Tarragon, Spicy Turkey Burritos, pumpkin muffins for the pups ... I love to cook (and eat) and am pretty good at both :)

Zodiac Sign: Libra

Your Life Is Your Message

Once, while Mahatma Gandhi's train was pulling slowly out of the station, a European reporter ran up to his compartment window. "Do you have a message I can take back to my people?" he asked.

It was Gandhi's day of silence, a vital respite from his demanding speaking schedule, so he didn't reply. Instead, he scrawled a few words on a scrap of paper and passed it to the reporter.

"My life is my message."

There is no more powerful teacher alive than the woman or man walking their talk and living their truth. I strive to be such a woman. Not in any grandiose save-the-world Gandhiesque way, just simply by telling the truth about my own life and the tools I'm learning along the way that help me make choices and experience life with greater joy and peace of mind ... one day at a time.

Patti of 37 days is my teacher today. Recently she discovered at least two people stole her essays and published them as their own. Rather than going ballistic, hiring copyright lawyers and gunning for retribution (which, frankly, I would have done), she chose the less-travelled path of kindness, compassion and peace. YAY Patti! Read her open letter and be awestruck.

Feeling frazzled is often a consequence of our own choices. I bet Patti sleeps better at night having chosen graciousness and humor than if she'd chosen to spew venom and declare war.

Emerson wrote, "What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say." How we spend our days, the choices we make, the love we extend and receive, the inner truths we honor -- that's our message. The simpler, the truer, the better.