Women at Rest

Thank You

... for being there after I hit the spiritual panic button earlier this week. I'm beyond moved by your supportive, loving, encouraging comments to my previous post, and will post again early next week once I return from Spokane.

Blessings to all!

Floundering

Maybe it's pre-gig jitters, PMS, self-doubt or a winning combo thereof. All I know is today I'm struck with What-The-Hell-Am-I-Doingitis. Jennifer Louden's post today left me feeling dumb and numb towards my own gifts. It's not a case of denying them, it's that right now I don't even see them!

What am I doing with Women at Rest? Is choosing to live a more restful, less frantic life something too abstract, impossible or ridiculous to others? Is it too narrow? Too undefined? Too whatever? How does it connect with zena moon? What do I have to offer?

Today I feel small, scared and confused. I feel separate or lost from my own purpose, and that's a scary place to be.

The other day Jennifer asked me to help her see her. I'm going to ask you the same today: Please help me see me. What do you see in me? How have I inspired or affected you? This is not an exercise of the Ego -- I'm truly off-track and need your help! Thank you...

Carla Live & On the Radio

I'm participating in two big upcoming events I wanted to let you know about:

Saturday, April 29th, I'm the opening speaker at what should be a terrific one-day event in Spokane, WA -- The Women's Summit. This year's focus is intention. I'm pretty nervous about speaking. If you're in the Spokane area, I hope you'll come by and play! After my talk, I plan to roll up my sleeves and dive in as a participant. I'll also have a booth where you can see, smell and purchase zena moon candles. I truly hope to see you there!

The next morning, Sunday, April 30th @ 8am, I'll be interviewed by Comfort Queen Jennifer Louden on her Martha Stewart Living radio show called LoudenClear. Click here to subscribe to the podcast. I think after the initial broadcast it'll be accessible in the archives, but to be honest I don't really understand how it works. I'll find out and let you know!

As someone who normally shies away from the spotlight, these are B-I-I-I-I-I-I-G stretches for me. Which is probably why the World's Largest Cold Sore has erupted on my lower lip. Ah, sweet humility!

Rest Before You Need To

All week long I've looked forward to today. For the next three days my calendar is bare. Bare! Some weekends this would depress me, but this weekend it's 100% intentional and welcome. I need to rest.

Lately I've put in long, effortful hours, both at work and in my recovery program. I'm tired. Next weekend I'm traveling to Spokane to give a keynote speech at The Women's Summit, followed by a radio interview (by Comfort Queen Jennnifer Louden) the next morning. For me, internally, this means a BIG flurry of excitement coming up, as well as the necessity to be fully present. My body and spirit need well-stocked reserves! Even the sweet tingle of anticipation takes energy.

So, this weekend I've allowed myself a sweet, cushy, warm buffer of rest. No plans, no commitments, no nuthin'! About all I intend to do is cook, pray, sleep, attend AA meetings, read, watch movies, snuggle with my dogs, possibly walk and probably write.

Five Things I Will NOT Do

1. I will not feel guilty that I'm not at my Grandma's 90th birthday party in Montana (Happy Birthday, Grandma!)
2. I will not worry or fret over people and situations I have no control over
3. I will not sit on the pity pot, even for one minute
4. I will (hopefully) not nitpick at my husband Bryon (see also #2)
5. I will not entertain much less do any of my long list of shoulds

Should I start leaning towards any of those things, I'll know it's time for a surefire distraction like a big tub o' popcorn and a Jeff Bridges filmfest.

Restful blessings to you!

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

~Mary Oliver

Give Yourself a Break

Cheryl Richardson just re-sent her newsletter on rest. She explains why resting is one of the most productive things we can do. Amen to that! Read the newsletter here.

Rest Comes in Unexpected Places

Silas the Dobie chewing a rawhide in a barrel of spring strawberries earlier today.

"Let yourself be cradled." ~SARK

For a week and a half, I've had a special candle sitting centerpiece on the altar of the beautiful little high-beamed chapel at St. Anne Convent in Seattle.

This candle holds the sacred intention of turning my life over to the care of God. It sits there, in a holy place, surrounded daily by peace, prayer, songs and silence. (I'm neither religious nor Catholic, but I am in a 12-step program of recovery and my sponsor is a nun. Life is full of unexpected twists and amazing surprises!)

Never before have I felt tended to, rocked and held by Spirit like I do whenever I think of my candle on that altar. Never before have I felt, as I do right now, this visceral, divine, warm, ahhhh sensation of being witnessed, cradled and graced. Even though I haven't sat (or fit!) in someone's lap in ages, when I think of my candle on that altar that's exactly how I feel, how it must have felt to sit in my Mom's lap as a little girl: safe, protected, beloved, comforted.

In SARK's 2006 Pure Relaxation Calendar, which hangs above my computer, March invites us to let ourselves be cradled. I think this is so important to practice (and it is practice) not only with the Divine, but with our partners, friends and family. Being cradled is the ultimate comfort!

I want to remember this sensation of being cradled always, to call upon it when I feel lonely, abandoned, anxious, hopeless or freaked out. To remember that the Universe is always holding us -- warmly, safely, delightfully, tenderly -- no matter how messy or flailing we feel inside.