zena musings

Sacred Life Sunday: Fullness

Today was hoppin' in zena moonville. I poured candles, my workerbees worked, my Mama stopped by, and I had these two lovely girls over to make their own special candles, which turned out gorgeous. I LOVE witnessing the creativity of kids.

Shelby (right) is hopefully lined up to start working for me when Colleen leaves for college next year, and Kegley (center) wants to work here when she's old enough. What fun!

Now I have leftover risotto for din-din and a quiet evening ahead. I love Sundays. I'll love Sundays even more starting next week when the new season of Dexter begins and my dogs are back with me. I pick 'em up Wednesday -- YAY!

I am also loving Facebook! I've reunited with many, many old friends . . . reminding me what a rich life I've lived, what amazing people I know. This is one of the biggest blessings of being single again . . . reconnecting to the historic and present wholeness and fullness and richness that makes up my life. In addition to many of you fine people, in the last few days alone I've connected with my old pals Alice Wu (former Microsoftie, now a filmmaker and the writer/director of the movie Saving Face) and Lisa Brummel (head of HR at Microsoft and faithful zena moon customer). I am so much more than any one relationship. It feels fantastic to know and experience this again. I truly am complete -- and very content -- as is.

And now a word about Sacred Life Sunday . . .

There are so many ongoing changes to folks participating that I just can't keep the list updated anymore. Does anyone have suggestions how it might be done automatically? Thanks in advance!

Sacred Life Sunday: Energies

What I drew today. The CHANGE card is one I draw again and again. On the back of ACHIEVEMENT it reads, "Chase your dreams. You may be surprised by where they lead you." Which is perfect, because I've procrastinated doing something I know I need to pursue. Even my dreams give me clear messages to do it.

And then today, I stumbled across this gem by David Whyte:

Start close in,
don't take the second step
or the third,
start with the first thing
close in,
the step you don't want to take.

So, I hereby promise myself to take that first step this week!

Sacred Life Sunday: Matriline

Three generations of women . . .

My Grandma (age 92), my Mom (age 67) and me (age 44).

Taken this past weekend during our annual family reunion on the Swan River near Bigfork, Montana.

Even though I'm hunched over like Quasimodo, I love this photo! As far as I can remember, it's the only one I've ever seen of just the three of us.

Our women ancestors are treasures.

Sacred Life Sunday: 2008 Valley Girl Triathlon

Photos of me, taken before and after today's Valley Girl Triathlon. :)

I've been home less than two hours and am a combination of exhausted and elated! I did it. I DID IT!

My swim was strong and really amazing. I've never done an open water swim before, but I took it relatively easy, did some freestyle but mostly breaststroke so I could see better. Other than the seaweed, which is just disgusting, I couldn't believe how fantastic it felt! I was winded but jazzed when I got out of the water, and chatted briefly with someone while we put on our shoes and helmets. I was a little worried about putting on socks with sand between my toes, but it was fine. I could soooooo easily have rested awhile but didn't!

We walked our bikes from the transition area to where we could mount them and I'll tell you what, that was not an easy walk. My legs were still shaky from the swim. And once we got on our bikes, the first part of the ride was UPHILL. Argh! I was breathing hard and hoping and praying it would level off soon so I could catch my breath. Eventually it did, and I caught my breath, but man that was some grueling pedaling.

The ride went well. I am very, very slow and that's OK. My bike did great! I did pass one person and got to say, "On your left," so I was happy because I'd heard 100 others say it to me. :)

No question that getting off the bike, walking it into the transition area, then starting the run segment was THE HARDEST part of the triathlon. OMG! My ass was sore and my legs felt like rubber hoses filled with lead! I asked someone if at some point your legs get back underneath you again. She said yes and she was right but it took a good 1/2 mile. I wound up fast-walking with Laura from Kalispell, MT -- also her first triathlon -- and thanks to gabbing in no time we passed the two-mile mark. We started running with 1/2 mile to go and there was not much gas left in my tank. But I read what someone wrote on the pavement nearing the finish line -- FINISH STRONG -- so I dug deeper and finished running as strongly as I could.

My Mom was there at the finish line cheering me on! When I crossed the finish line I heard them announce my name and number and time. That was cool! Then people started taking things off me -- my anklet timer, part of my bib -- and my Mom handed me a big colorful beautiful CONGRATULATIONS, WAY TO GO helium balloon and I collapsed in a patch of shady grass, tears falling.

I am beyond thrilled to have done this. Beyond proud of myself.

Both of my parents were volunteers, and I saw my Dad before and during the event because he worked the transition area. He always requests a position wielding the most possible power. :) Marla also gave me great big hugs before the swim and after the finish. I first saw my Mom on the bike ride, then they were both there at the finish with hugs and smiles and pride. That was seriously incredibly special!

Also incredibly special were the cheers and encouragement before and during the race. Your comments, emails, phone calls -- my friend Lisa called at 5:30 a.m. this morning just to wish me good luck! All throughout the race, other participants and spectators cheered us on the entire time. The very best, though, were two little girls at the running turnaround point. Probably 6 years old. They sat under a big pink sun umbrella in lawn chairs, eating yogurt, with pom poms, yelling "Good job, girls! Go Valley Girls!"

So, I did it. It was fantastic. I will do it again, and again, and again. But for now, my body is tired and sore and I am glued to this cushy couch the rest of the day! I booked a 90-minute massage tomorrow afternoon as my reward. Although this feeling of accomplishment inside? That's the best reward of all. That's the gold.

More Valley Girl Triathlon photos here. These two ladies were my biggest inspiration!

To visit other Sacred Life Sunday participants, or to join the journey, click here.

Sacred Life Sunday: Dream Come True!

How can I possibly express the thrill of living a dream come true?

Ever since I went to my first Gay Pride Parade (sounds like a wild Fisher Price toy set, doesn't it?) in 1991 in Seattle and cried when the Dykes on Bikes kicked off the parade roaring up and down Broadway in all their bad ass girl glory, I've wanted to sit on the back of someone's motorcycle and be part of it. Along with swimming with dolphins, publishing a book, visiting Sissinghurst, doing a triathlon, and some other things, it was at the top of my list of Things To Do Before I Die.

Yesterday -- 17 years later -- I did it!

400,000 people turned out for yesterday's Seattle Pride parade. The Dykes on Bikes fired up and kicked off the parade at 11am sharp. I don't know how many bikes were there -- maybe 150? Maybe more? It was beyond amazing being in the middle of that many rumbling Harleys and other big bikes! I shed a few tears of pure joy, and then we took off!

Wearing a pink boa, I sat on the back of Missy's bike as we roared up and down the street. I waved and yelled and slapped outstretched hands and laughed and hooted and waved some more and held on for dear life whenever Missy gunned it! We rode up and down the parade route for what felt like an hour, but was probably more like 30-40 minutes. It kicked ASS! I've never had so much fun in my life and I hope I get to do it again!

Afterwards we sat in the shade and caught some of the parade. To be honest I had shot my wad and was too satiated to take many photos. The ones I took will be posted here later today.

Missy asked if the experience lived up to my expectations -- sometimes dreams don't, y'know? -- and I can honestly say fulfilling this dream blew every single expectation out of the water. It was even more fun and more powerful than I ever imagined. I felt like a rock star . . . and I loved it! :)

P.S. My T-shirt says: "I taught your girlfriend that thing you like."

Sacred Life Sunday: Reclaiming With Love

Thirteen years ago today I secretly got married at City Hall. Bryon and I wanted to buy a house together -- the house he lives in still -- and we had to be married in order to qualify for a VA loan. We knew we'd eventually get married publicly and this was simply a formality, and we intentionally chose June 21, the Summer Solstice. I remember the judge was a big black man, very warm with a great sense of humor, and he agreed to marry us outside in the courtyard so our dogs Elliott and Ranger could be present. Elliott the eternal troublemaker got into trouble by pooping in the ivy!

Exactly two years later, eleven years ago today, we publicly got married. That was our real union. Our wedding and reception were held in our backyard -- at the house we'd bought two years earlier -- under a big white tent filled with our friends and family. Men drummed, women smudged, my best friend baked the cakes, Dixie's BBQ catered. Elliott and Ranger carried our rings in little leather pouches around their necks. It was a personal, fun and incredibly intimate day.

Today is the first Summer Solstice since 1994 that I have been a single woman. This day obviously holds deep meaning for me -- good memories for sure, I got married on it -- twice! -- and celebrated 13 anniversaries on it. And I wanted to reclaim this special day in my new life. This new phase that is so incredibly distinct, powerful, unknown, exciting and poignant.

So I threw a party! On the invitations I called it a Summer Solstice Housewarming Party. Yes, it was that -- and so much more. Today ranks up there as one of the finest days of my life. Not everyone came who I hoped would come, but I was delighted with those who did.

The weather was perfect, the food was amazing, the fellowship even more so. People oohed and aahed over my house and garden, which felt good, but what felt better was to bask in their presence. I felt myself, and my house, and my yard, blessed by the love and goodwill of everyone there.

Then some of the guys, who belong to a band called the Blisstrz, pulled out their instruments and started to play. I sat there and reveled in the utter fantasticness of a band of guys I adore playing music in MY back yard!

And then it hit me like a lightning bolt. The last -- and only -- time that live music was played in my back yard . . . was eleven years ago today, during my wedding.

There are no coincidences. God's handiwork is f-in' amazing! Her presence in my life totally rocks.

For more Sacred Life Sunday participants, click here.

Sacred Life Sunday: Father's Day

  

I love my Dad! Happy Father's Day to all the good men of the world, and to all the women who have had to be mother and father to their kids. Special thoughts to those missing their fathers today.

For more Sacred Life Sunday participants, click here. (The list still isn't updated, but will be!)

Sacred Life Sunday: Springtime

 

When I got up this morning, my little dogwood tree was in full bloom. What a beauty! I love my garden. I love taking care of it. I didn't plant it, previous owners did, and I am grateful to them every single day! It's filled with good soil, chives, sage, lavender bushes, parsley, fennel, day lilies, tulips, daffodils, yellow lilies, black irises, roses, a dogwood tree, a lilac bush, lupines (which I'm going to get rid of, I don't like them), daisies, hostas and lilies of the valley. And weeds . . .which I do my best to keep up with. All that just in this little curvy area!

What I love most is how different things bloom throughout the year. It'll look different even in another couple months. I'm also grateful they put a wire fence around it, which keeps my dogs out. Silas likes to "accidentally" push a ball through the fence, then barks at me to rescue it!

I could make all sorts of analogies between life and spring and seasons and such, but honestly I'm still not feeling all that deep or wordy. Just living a quiet season, trying to make peace with fear. In other news...

• I hired a new workerbee I absolutely adore named Max.
• My dog Elliott, God and a bassett hound named Louie teamed up to give me an amazing, funny Mother's Day present.
• Dating in my 40s (and sober!) bears zippo resemblance to dating in previous decades. Which frankly sort of baffles me at this point.
• Season 2 of The Tudors is in full swing and I am LOVING IT! The acting (especially Jonathan Rhys Meyers as King Henry VIII and Natalie Dormer as Anne Boleyn), the writing, the costumes . . . without question the best series ever produced. I want to visit England to see the real Tudor historical sites in person.
• I've seen heaps of powerful 5-star movies lately: Atonement, Possession, Firelight, The Namesake, The Kite Runner and Lars and the Real Girl. I also just watched a documentary on The Ramones which made me happy I saw them in the 90s (with Blondie!) before everyone died. Man, if I was a decade older, I would've loved living in New York City in the 70s!

I keep reminding myself this year is about ease and enjoyment. Serenity and emotional stability are precisely what I need. Less isolating and more fun wouldn't hurt either. :) Gonna work on that this week!

Visit more Sacred Life Sunday participants here. (I'm sorry the list still isn't current. I suck, but I will update soon!) Blessings to all.

Sacred Life Sunday: Mother's Day

I asked my Mom what she wanted to do for Mother's Day, and she requested dinner at my house. I fixed spiced chicken thighs with barley, asparagus and for dessert fresh strawberries drizzled in balsamic vinegar. I never thought I'd move back to my hometown, but I'm glad I did for many reasons, mostly because I LOVE living near my parents and getting to share more of life with them.

Happy Mother's Day to ALL mothers! I believe if you're a woman, and in some cases a man, you mother something or someone -- dogs, the planet, your creative projects, other humans. Here's to sacred mother love.

Sacred Life Sunday: Writer's Block

Never have I had less of a desire or ability to write. The word well is dry, has been for some time. Occasionally I'm able to scrape together a few phrases, but it feels like the slow burn of exercise after sitting on my ass for months. My effort is leaden, strained and I'm easily winded. Unless I keep at it, I'm afraid I'll never regain my strength or improve.

I have also neglected adding new Sacred Life Sunday participants to the current list. Please accept my apologies. I promise to catch up this week!

Blessings to all...