zena musings

Tense? Unruly eyebrows? Have I got a deal for you!

As she held my foot and applied warm sea salt scrub onto my skin, I literally gasped it felt so good. "Orgasmic," I sighed. Ninety minutes later, I left her cozy room cleansed, massaged, steamed, extracted, exfoliated, toned, moisturized and super relaxed. Facials are one of the best things in life.

And tomorrow, Friday November 30th, my wonderful aesthetician Priscilla is holding an open house with tons of giveaways including:

• Free eyebrow waxing all day
• Free 5-minute chair massage by a new massage therapist
• Free gift for the first 100 folks through the door
• Plus drawings galore for free services and products

No appointments necessary, just stop by any time between 8 am - 8 pm. I'm going, so are my Mom and my workerbee Kaitlyn!

Pampered By Priscilla
2524 E 29th Ave
Spokane, WA 99223
(509) 218 1508

Located inside the South Hill Sun Shop, a couple doors down from Great Harvest.

Keep On Keeping On

Busy days at zena moon, flush in the middle of a bustling holiday shopping season! Between now and early January, free time is scarce. When I'm not pouring candles, packing orders and giving customer service, I'm sitting on my bee-hind being as passive, still and mentally restful as I can possibly be.

Unless it snows. Then I shovel snow. Which is sort of meditative and a great workout! I love snow.

Even though it's my most hectic month, this year I'm scheduling timeouts and not waiting until January when things slow down. Tomorrow: a haircut and facial. Friday: a 90-minute massage. Most days I work 5-8 hours max. This year any more is too much. Most evenings I see friends, watch movies, read novels, Flickr or read blogs. (My apologies, I don't have the mental energy to leave comments right now.)

I'm very, very protective of my time and energy. I have to be.

Normally I enter the holiday season well-rested and prepared to work long hard days, but this year had other plans for me. Emotionally and physically I'm worn out. There's simply not much fuel in the tank. I'm in a rough place mentally. The stress of Silas's Thanksgiving Day adventure and dealing with my ex-husband handily moving on tipped me further over the edge. This morning I caught myself berating my weakness, and stopped in my tracks. I heard a friend's voice urgently yet with great tenderness say, Be gentle with yourself.

I think the adage "God never gives us more than we can handle" is bullshit. Every minute of the day people have mental breakdowns, commit suicide, pump themselves full of drugs or alcohol, and worse. The holidays are especially difficult for many people. As a sober woman in recovery there's a saying I hear almost every day: "Without help it is too much for us." Maybe others can survive without help, but I can't. Without help it is too much for me.

Sometimes help = letting go.
Sometimes help = boundaries.
Sometimes help = other people.
Sometimes help = books of wisdom.
Sometimes help = pausing and breathing.

Always, always, help = asking and being willing to receive it!
Always, always, help = God.

Sister Kathryn's recent post about how on hard days, rather than try harder, maybe we should just keeping on doing the ordinary things, soothed me like a cool lavender-scented washcloth laid across my brow.

Pray. Show up. Breathe. Work. Rest. Be available to others. Eat. Love. Cry when needed. Laugh when possible. Shovel snow. Scoop dog poop. Wash my face at night. Read. Get touched. Tell the truth. Live the truth. Write, even when I'm not entirely sure I make sense.

(Photo by saliv8.)

Sacred Life Sunday: Boundaries & Safety

"Treat your personal space as a sanctuary."
~Camille Maurine (and the quote on our boundaries candle)

Personal space isn't just my home and my body, it includes my mind, my emotions, my heart, the common ground of my life. Boundaries not only keep outside hazards from getting in, they also protect me from venturing out into dangerous territory. Two boundaries I recently set with someone will hopefully safeguard me from more external hurt AND protect me from harming myself with information that is none of my business. My new mantra is: It's none of my business, none of my business, none of my business. However, who and what I allow into my sanctuaries is my business.

All my sanctuaries are sacred ground. Body. Mind. Heart. Home. Babies.

This photo of my babies was taken on Thanksgiving afternoon before I went to my parents' house. One reason I rarely make my bed is because Lucy is a nester and digs it back up by noon! Anyway, Lucy, Silas and I had gone for a walk at a nearby state park in the morning which turned into a nightmare when Silas disappeared for 2-1/2 terrifying hours. It's still too upsetting to say much more than I enlisted help and my Dad found him.

The weird thing?

Flashback 14 years ago. Prague, Czech Republic, Thanksgiving Day 1993. Elliott and I went for a morning walk in the nearby state park. He took off after a bunny and disappeared for 3 terrifying hours. I enlisted help and someone else found him. Someone who I am convinced to this day was an Angel sent to help us reunite.

I often joke that Elliott is Silas's life coach and wish I could weave this into more of a poignant story, but not tonight. The truth is I'm fried emotionally and empty energetically. The last few days have dropped me to my knees multiple times both beseeching help and expressing gratitude.

Because Silas was found, we both got to have a wonderful Thanksgiving. (I have not and will not allow my mind to ponder what-ifs. Too excruciating. So another boundary.) I spent the afternoon with my parents, my brother Bob, his girlfriend Monique and the Emde's -- Marla, Michael and their daughter Martina.

Great food. Loving company. Blessings beyond imagining!

For more sacred lives, click here.

Full Moon Specials ~ 3 Days Only

Today is November's full moon so that means for three days only you get Free Shipping on orders over $30 at zenamoon.com! (Please note you must use coupon code FULLMOON prior to checkout.)

Plus, receive a free self-nurture candle ($8 value) with orders over $60.

Offers end 11/26/07 and some restrictions do apply.

For explanations and insights on this lunar cycle, I highly recommend Claudia Thompson's Moonsurfing website.

(Photo by HDLife217.)

7 Random Things About Me

Thanks to my friend Eileen the Dream for tagging me! Here are the rules:

• Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
• Post these rules on your blog.
• List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
• Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
• Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.

7 Random Things About Me

1. Nothing in life soothes me more than watching someone be creative. Coloring, drawing, cooking, painting, doodling -- I can sit quietly and watch for hours.
2. My first memory in life is the day my brother was born. I remember standing outside the hospital, holding my Dad's hand, waving up to my Mom in her second floor window. I was two and a half.
3. I've never kissed anyone who was as biologically old as I am now. The oldest person I've ever kissed was 40 at the time and I was 19.
4. I love thick vanilla milkshakes made with real ice cream. YUM!
5. Back in the 80's I began having experiences with the Ouija board and other psychic phenomena that blew my mind forever open that anything is possible.
6. I can become easily overwhelmed in social situations. Sometimes I relax and settle into them, sometimes I don't. I always have my own transportation so I can leave when I need to, and I no longer push myself by waiting until I'm over the edge.
7. When I worked for a home builder in Colorado Springs, one of my jobs was to name streets. I named a street Blazek Loop which still exists to this day!

I'm going to bend the rules a bit and tag whoever wants to play! Let me know if you do, so I can read your seven things too!

Sacred Life Sunday: Sister Cathy

This beautiful woman, Sister Cathy, is my friend and my spiritual mentor.
She officiated my wedding, and 10 years later counseled us at the end of our marriage.
She blessed my beloved dog Elliott with holy oil at my wedding, and again 10 years later on the night he passed.
That night, he showed up in HER dreams to tell me he was OK!
She helped me stop destroying myself.
She knows my deepest secrets, which are no longer secrets.
She loves me unconditionally. I love her unconditionally.
She is my tour guide to God and she rocks my soul!

Cathy is a nun, a Sister of the Holy Names of Jesus and Mary. (So is Sister Kathryn! They're an amazing order of holy women!) That I'm not Christian or Catholic doesn't matter to her, just as it doesn't matter to my God. What matters is my openness and willingness to Spirit. Thy will, not mine, be done. Time and time again I've seen how God's will is always best for me. EGO = Edging God Out. The tricky part is learning discernment!

Spiritual magic happens when Cathy and I are together. I don't get to see her as much since I left Seattle, but I got to see her today while she's in Spokane. I am beyond lucky to have this woman in my life. To get to benefit from her energy, her love, her wisdom, her spirit.

"The essence of prayer is basking in God's love," she said today.

Bask in other sacred lives here.

Sacred Life Sunday: Go Zags!

My Mama came over today and together we watched Gonzaga trounce Montana 77-54. Go Zags! I love college basketball and am crazy about both Gonzaga men and women. For my birthday my parents gave me 2007-08 season tickets to the women's games (my parents were the very first ever Gonzaga women's BB season ticketholders). Our seats are prime first row right behind the home bench!

My Mom knits beautiful things, mostly hats and scarves, everywhere she goes. Hopefully she'll setup an Etsy shop soon! Not only does she knit while watching games on TV, she even knits during live games. Sometimes her yarn drops and has to be retrieved by game staff. The players and coaches love my parents for their enthusiasm, unfailing support and my Mom's chocolate chip cookies. This photo was taken prior to last Monday's women's game. To my Dad's left were some of the men's players showing their support, Josh Heytvelt and Ira Brown. Jeremy Pargo was behind them. Some of the new freshmen guys were across the court.

My Dad keeps track of every player's scorecard and his fondest wish would be to save the score-keeper's day in the event of a power failure. Unless he could be a referee. He likes the idea of wielding power, but his knees are shot after 30 years of marathon running.

I've written before how grateful I am to live in the same town as my parents. They are awesome people and I love them with all my heart.

I never thought I would move back to Spokane.

I never thought moving back to Spokane would heal my broken heart, but that's exactly what is happening. God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself.

The last 24 hours have been especially difficult. Letting go is not an easy process for me, and this year has been one painful letting go after another. Last night I experienced fresh levels of anger, hurt and fear. Today's gift was getting to listen to 25 people share about detaching with love. Little seeds were planted . . . you mean there's another way besides placing a hex on the person and/or making them dead to me?! Huh!

The other night I read somewhere -- can't remember what book -- when facing a conundrum to ask yourself, What would love do?

Love would let go. Allow. Accept. Surrender. Ego wants to grip tightly and squeeze. No change!

I could write so much more about what I'm feeling, experiencing and learning, but I think this is enough for tonight. :) I have to remind myself what is true -- not what I think or what I feel but what is FACT -- on a daily basis.

FACT: I am a sober, healthy, single 44 year-old woman.

FACT: There is more love in my life than I've ever experienced before.

FACT: Help and support are never more than a phone call away.

FACT: God's in charge. I'm not. (Whew!)

FACT: Gratitude is a choice and always makes me feel better.

FACT: You can visit lots more sacred lives here. Robyn's Croning-Goddess Ritual is a must-read!

The Wonder of Wednesday

Often I'm grateful when people cancel appointments. This morning I used two unexpected bonus hours to...

• Light an acceptance candle
• Listen to a new CD that came yesterday, Shaman's Vision Journey by David & Steve Gordon -- lovelovelove it -- helping me feel the river of grace Sister Kathryn writes about here
• Reschedule a dentist appointment (what was I thinking scheduling it immediately after a massage?! silly me)
• Call Marla's accountant and setup our first meeting -- big relief to find someone super good and likeable -- even bigger relief to not have my finances intertwined with someone else's anymore
• S    T    R    E    T    C    H
• Wish you a Wednesday filled with connections, acceptance and no matter what your mood, gratitude for the goodness in your life

My New Big Buzz

Sometimes, no matter how many orders I have to fill, emails to answer and phone calls to return, I've gotta play hooky and get out of the studio. Today Marla Emde and I spent several hours picking out a new bike for me! That's Marla holding my bike outside REI. I'm so excited! It's a Novara Big Buzz regularly $800 on sale for $600. My birthday present to myself.

I'm so grateful Marla and I had plans to meet today and that I didn't bail on her because I didn't "feel like" going. Doing the right thing regardless of how I feel almost always changes how I feel -- for the better!

Today was no exception.

The more time I spend outside my head -- in action, in service, or with other like-minded people -- the better my state of mind.

Saturday I found out my divorce became legally final last week, and I woke up in a sad pissy mood this morning. Between my new bike with Marla and going to tonight's Gonzaga women's basketball game with my parents, I'm reminded that my new bachelorette life in Spokane is excellent, love-filled, rich, exciting and jam-packed with fun new blessings.

With my new bike and Marla's help, by next summer's Valley Girl Triathlon I am going to have smooth thighs and a smokin' ass. :)

Sacred Life Sunday: Supper

All eating is communion, feeding the soul as well as the body.
~Thomas Moore

I love to cook, I love to eat and I love dinner best of all. After I knew I was moving out on my own but before I actually left the house I shared with Bryon, a few of my single friends were talking about how they eat dinner: rushed, careless, standing up.

"You'll be eating over the kitchen sink in no time," they said.

I swore I wouldn't, and have upheld my oath! In my entire life I've eaten standing up in the kitchen only 4 or 5 times. Mealtimes, especially dinner, are sacred to me.  I was raised with family dinners every night. No matter what, we sat around the table and we ate together. I don't remember our conversations, but pissed off rebel that I was I'm sure I didn't participate! Still, the tradition stuck. We rarely ate out so when we did it was a  special treat. Same holds true for me today. I love that.

When it comes to cooking, I hear single women all the time ask, "Why go to all that trouble just for myself?"

Why? Because you're totally worth it! When I first started living on my own again, I felt an inner resistance to cook "just" for myself. But I resisted that resistance and cook 2 or 3 times a week. The rest of the nights I have easy, delicious leftovers. Once in a great while I eat a bowl of cereal or zap a frozen dinner in the microwave, but I have to be really tired to resort to that. I love communal eating and miss sharing mealtime with others, but the reality is I live alone and it's vital that I remain present to myself. Try to treat myself as well as I'd treat a loved one I lived with.

When I'm home, I eat at 6pm sharp. Establishing a dinner routine played -- still plays -- a very, very important part of feeling stable during this year of so much change and emotional upheaval. I think I've mentioned before how Sunday evenings are especially sacred to me. Actually I'd say they're inviolate. Well... unless George came a-knockin'. A girl's gotta be flexible! Carpe diem and all that jazz, am I right?

(Note to Self: Find more reasons to post more frequent pics of George Clooney.)

Anyway, as I was saying, on Sundays I always cook something special, and at 6pm I have dinner watching HBO or Showtime (that's when their best shows are on -- currently I watch Dexter). Then after dinner I get to have ice cream! My current flavor is Ben & Jerry's Mint Chocolate Cookie. I only allow myself ice cream twice a week. I have to set limits otherwise I'd gorge myself.

I absolutely LOVE my Sunday nights. Tonight I'm fixing pot roast with mashed potatoes and gravy (recipe posted here). The top photo is the Le Creuset pan before I popped it in the oven.

For a list of more sacred lives, click here. We have lots of newcomers -- YAY! You are welcome to join at any time, just let me know if you'd like to be added to the list.

Nowadays, Sunday nights are all the more richer because later on I will read about the sacredness in your lives. Blessings to all! You too, George. :)