Little Earthquakes & My Sacred Life Project

For the last 10 or so years I've worn glasses. Exclusively. They have been a protective barrier between me and you. I can remember wearing contacts just once, to a dressy Christmas party in 2005. This morning, mid-mascara (right eyelashes have it, left do not), I looked into my eyes, liked what I saw and snapped this photo. My Flickr pal d.lish says hiding is for suckahs. Like everything, coming out of hiding is a process. Baby steps and rest. For now I think I'm ready to start wearing contacts again. Sometimes. :)

Other recent little healing earthquakes...

1.) I'm driving home from Taos. I have reservations at a B&B in Denver, but there's a fatal accident on I-25 and 10 miles north of Colorado Springs I'm boomeranged back to Colorado Springs. I don't want to be in Colorado Springs. Too much wild sentimental history; too much unfelt, unhealed, unreleased pain associated with Colorado Springs. Shit. I call AAA and they book me a room at the Marriott around the corner from Hewlett-Packard (formerly Digital) where I worked for years. I sleep in the most gorgeous, luxurious, comfiest bed I've EVER slept in. Next morning in bed I'm musing how bizarre it is to be back in this place and I hear a little voice, God's voice, quietly say, This place loves you. I cannot tell you how or why, but in that instant those four words changed everything. Fear dissolved and emotional healing spontaneously occurred. I no longer had to be -- I no longer am -- afraid of Colorado Springs or the 9 years of my past there.

2.) It's Friday evening and I'm with my oldest friend Kim. We've been friends since I passed her a note in 8th grade asking if she wanted to be friends and she said yes. :) One of the blessings in moving back to Spokane is living near Kim again. On this warm Friday night we sit and talk about everything under the sun for many hours, uninterrupted, something I don't think we've done since high school! She answers questions about the moment of her daughter RaeAnne's death and her own grieving process. Her honesty, compassion and hope comfort my heart immensely. Being with her that night I experienced a new level of on-my-knees gratitude for our friendship.

3.) A few nights later my friend A from Seattle visits. Her 28 year-old brother suddenly and unexpectedly died in January. We sit in a snazzy crowded restaurant talking about God, death, mystical experiences, spirituality, dating (and the riches of not dating), grieving and the beauty of sobriety during good times and hard times. It is an indescribably wonderful, rich evening! I love being a sober spiritual woman, being with other sober spiritual women.

4.) For a good solid two weeks I'm wracked with financial anxieties. Am I going to be able to support myself? The move to Spokane was expensive and summer is my slow business season and I've never lived on my own without working for a large corporation (Inmos, Digital, Corbis, Microsoft). I've been taking money out of savings which I HATE doing and I'm running scared day in and day out. Fear consumes me. I convince myself I need a real job. Doing what, I don't know.  One recent morning I lose it. I start crying in the shower. "I'm doomed!" I tell God. "What am I supposed to do?!" I step out of the tub and as I'm drying off, that little voice (God) answers, Just get to work.

I exhale and yes, I get it. I already have a job. Everything's already in place with what I already do (zena moon) and what I'm being called to do next (Women at Rest book writing, workshops and retreats). I just need to work more at it. May sound simplistic reading this, but it was an incredibly potent experience!

So that's twice in two weeks I've heard God speak to me in four words or less. In Eat Pray Love, God tells Elizabeth Gilbert to just go to bed. Three words. "When the solution is simple, God is answering," wrote Albert Einstein.

Finally, today I decided to start a new bloggy project called My Sacred Life. Every day for at least a month I'm going to post a photo from my daily life. Today the photo was me, but it may not always be me -- it might be my altar, a candle I'm burning, my dogs, the garden, a friend, a book I'm reading, nature, something I did, someplace I went, something important to me, or, who knows, maybe just my morning bowl of Cheerios! The idea is to creatively connect with the holiness of everyday life and I also need a gentle little kick in the butt to turn OFF the game of Hearts and other shadow comforts and start writing again.

I was going to just do this on my own, but then it occurred to me, maybe others want to play? Let me know if you want to participate too! If enough folks want to, I'll make a list for us to keep track of each other...

Comments

[leah]

what a beautiful post. the line, "This place loves you." made me cry. i'm not sure why.

[patti digh]

i've been tempted to go back to contacts myself, until i realized that the only thing holding up my eyelids was my glasses...gravity, damn it.

[Julie]

I'm in! Trying to take more photos and write more blog posts, so this might be the kick in the pants that I need.

[Claire]

i knew i HAD to read your blog today...
i suffered a stroke in may - at the age of 43!!! - i'm grieving... i'm healing... my recent post on my blog captures what i'm most grateful for - i am alive and i am loved!!! www.anna-world.blogpost.com
bless you, dear, gracious, beautiful carla!!

[Ellen]

Quite simply.....you look beautiful w/o the eye 'armour'.

*_*

[Deb]

How wonderful for you that you've leap't over your writer's block! Did you read the blog post I did about you and A Slice of Life? (www.SpiritualAnecdotes.blogspot.com) Its very much like your "bloggy project" (weird to be on the same wave length!) The project sounds very cool - I'm in, too!

Love to you! Deb

[Abbey of the Arts]

what a lovely post Carla, and the photo is beautiful -- lovely eyes! I also love your idea of celebrating the sacred in the everyday through photos and will join you in this at least once a week for now. :-)

[Deb]

PS Claire! Its "blogspot.com" I switch 'em all the time too!

PPS Carla - you've always been beautiful!

[eileen (the dream)]

GREAT post, Carla. And what a gift to stay sober throughout the tough stuff of life, eh? Good for you on the contacts - wish I could go back down that road. Just not meant to be for me.

[Lisa]

You gorgeous creature you! Absolutely stunning self-portrait. Count me in for 'My Sacred Life'. I could use a big ol' kick in the rear as well. Missing you...Lisa

[liz elayne]

beautiful you in this photo!
this post is such a comfort to me as i am up too early after not being able to sleep with too much whirling through my mind.
i love this idea...count me in!

[Kikipotamus the Hobo]

Yes, yes, count me in. Thank you for coordinating this for all of us! :)

[Paula - Buenos Aires]

Interesting project. It gives the chance to see daily things under a new light. I´ll share your path for a while. :)

[JourneyThroughLife]

I have just recently started doing the same thing. I have wanted to catch myself in different moods to really see what is there. To look from the outside in instead of always being caught up in the inside emotion. I had thought of blogging it, but as you know, my blogging has stalled right now. I would be interested in being involved. Are you doing it just within your own blog?
Annie
xxx

[Carla]

Annie, I'm so happy to see your name! I'll add you to the list so if you feel like participating, we can visit you. xoxo

[daisies]

you are so freaking beautiful in each and every way!! i would love to do your project but would like to start on the first of september :) it sounds like a wonderful thing to do for me ... xox

[Karen]

I'm in! I love the idea--

For me, the hardest part is stopping to LISTEN for that quiet little voice...

[Kara]

Carla, I want to join too - I've spent two days now indulging in too many shadow comforts. I need something simple to keep me from spiraling into a funk. I love your idea!

[Lunarmusings]

I can't believe that I am just now finding your blog! Count me in!

[Lina]

OKay i just found your blog about five minutes ago and your number one little healing earthquake brought me to tears...there are places i hate to be - the pain, the scars, the reality just too hard to deal with. This gave me hope that i can go back one day without the fear and anxiety...thank you for sharing that...

[camelOne]

Very nice this blog =)