Some days navel-gazing is tedious and tiresome. Some days I cannot stomach another shitty news headline. I long for the shallow and the meaningless. For simplicity and love and honesty. It's a stunning autumn day, mid 70s, bright sunshine, blue sky. My hair is freshly blonde and I look good in this photo. A 28 year-old guy friend who's a total hottie thought I was 33. That's something to celebrate!
Today I walked and sweltered, misdressed (as usual -- try as I might, I have ZERO ability to dress weather-appropriate!) in too-hot sweats. I didn't care, my body needed to move. I talked with my Dad. I lamented my conscience which insists I correct a $400 error made in my favor. I said my morning prayers, ignored my hairy legs, wrote my gratitudes. Spent an hour with fellow alcoholics and soaked up faith, shared hope, held hands, teared up with joy looking at a tree outside the window.
I am so grateful for life.
Part of me doesn't give a rat's ass about reflecting how I reached outside my comfort zone this week. The truth is that since getting sober nearly a year ago and since beginning to work the 12 steps of recovery, my comfort zone gets blown to smithereens all the time. I live outside it daily, hourly. I have to. And that, paradoxically, grants me more comfort, strength and faith than I've ever known. I am the luckiest woman in the world because of it! I feel like Dorothy when she opens the door and her whole world has changed from black and white to color.
Wow is right. :)
Right now I'm on Step 9 -- making amends to people I have harmed -- which is one constant, giant, scary stretch after another. It's also the most liberating, amazing, self-loving experience I've ever had.
How did you reach outside your comfort zone this week?
- I wrote and mailed amends letters to a former employer, a childhood schoolmate and former friends in another country.
- I returned phone calls and offered smiles when I didn't feel like it.
- Lisa and I sent our bios + headshots to Breitenbush making our commitment to host a retreat there next year 100% official -- YEAH!
- I told the truth in this post.
Blessings to each of you. I hope your weekend is filled with richness, love and simplicity.