zena musings

This Week's Stretch ~ 7/21/06

How did you reach outside your comfort zone this week?

This week  unfurled a series of small yet consistently meaningful stretches...

1. Asking payment for work a friend commissioned and, surprisingly, not being swayed by his surprise
2. Inviting a new friend for a walk through the park
3. Closing zena moon a day early (today, folks -- YAY!) to ensure I have no work after this weekend's retreat
4. Getting my decidedly out-of-shape butt back in the swimming pool
5. Reaching out for help yesterday by calling two friends

What's striking to me is how this series of small, isolated stretches add up to BIG self-care. I am feeling truer to myself, which is an unfamilar yet desperately welcome state of being.

Baby steps, or micromovements as SARK calls them, matter every bit as much as giant leaps. The soul doesn't measure or weigh our momentum. It just celebrates it.

Active Surrender

What an incredible day! I could burst with joy and wonderment, and, in fact already have sprung two tearful joy leaks so far today. I love life. I! LOVE! LIFE!

My day began with an email from a woman I don't know caught in the hellish cycle of drink and remorse, asking for help and advice. This has never presented itself to me before, and is exactly why I'm open in every area of my life about being a sober woman in recovery. No matter what our truths, it's vital we live them out loud, because we never know when our hand extended might be the one someone grabs onto for dear life.

Next I received an email from one of my readers, asking me to say a prayer for them. What an honor! Thank you, B, your note was exactly the sign I needed to follow through on my secret idea! Not sure when, maybe during my break, maybe September. In the meantime, you are on my prayer list.

This is why I'm alive. To be of service. To be the woman Spirit wants me to be, do the work I'm meant to to do. Do I know what that is? Sometimes! Not always. I find out by paying attention to what I'm being called to do in little ways, and not-so-little ways, every day. Where am I being drawn? What magnetizes me? To not shrink out of fear or unworthiness. To offer myself through zena moon, through this blog and all my writings, through recovery work ... through living.

The only way I can be available to others is by tending my own fires. I pray. I rest. I swim (sometimes :)). I do a heckuva lot of reading of mystery novels. I go on retreats frequently. I work an active recovery program. I have a daily spiritual practice. When it crops up I try to release the nagging itch of perfectionism, which is the world's biggest ego trap, instantly snapping SHUT and keeping OUT miracles, serenity and grace.

I am a huge Marion Woodman fan. If you don't own her masterpiece Coming Home to Myself, buy it now. Yesterday I shared a favorite passage over on Women at Rest, and today I'd like to share this gold nugget...

When the path is blocked,
we can accept or fight.
When we surrender to the mystery
and say,
"Well, what do you need?"
doors open.

Sunday's Chewy Nougat

All creative acts require daring, and daring is something that can be learned. We dare, first of all, to accept ourselves as we are in the moment. We dare, next, to accept that that may be enough.

If I felt I were beautiful enough, good enough, and worth enough, how would I act?

Act that way.

~Julia Cameron, The Sound of Paper

This Week's Stretch ~ 7/14/06

How did you reach outside your comfort zone this week?

I followed my intuition and signed up for a local women's spiritual retreat next weekend, where (I think) I won't know a soul! Uncomfy for a shy person like me. I'd been mulling it over for weeks, wistfully eyeing the beautiful brochure, volleying back and forth between wanting to go ("Feels like the perfect way to kick off my sabbatical") and being afraid ("But I won't know anybody!").

Wayne Dyer wrote, "For the spiritual being, intuition is far more than a hunch. It is viewed as guidance or as God talking, and this inner insight is never taken lightly or ignored."

I'm trying to stay aware of these whispers from God, and then the magical faith part -- act on them! Not let stinky ol' Fear dictate my decisionmaking. So what if I don't know anybody? I definitely will by retreat's end, and know I'll be the richer for it.

The Storm Before the Calm

Overheard in the zm Studio
"If you don't change it right now, I'm going to stick this rod in your eye!" Christine to Tim regarding his choice of radio stations

"Tim, your boobs are noisy." Christine to Tim during his experiment wearing two inflatable air packaging bags up his shirt to see what it's like having breasts (Tim's pronouncement: "Awkward.")

I've been working for 20+ years and it still catches me off-guard how suddenly and unbelievably busy work gets right before a vacation. Aside from the year I took off to live in Prague, this will be my longest break ever. My anticipation is sharp, cherry-sweet and giddy, like a 6th grader antsy for her summer vacation to begin at the same time knowing that what looms ahead after break is equal parts big, exciting and unknown.

But today is Thursday July 13th, so I do Thursday July 13th things. I pour candles and fill stacks of orders. I email girlfriends. I say my morning prayers. I eat an egg and toast for breakfast. I kiss dogs. I write.

Beneath my actions of today hums an undercurrent of anticipation, the distant scent of Taos and the laughter of unmet friends, unwritten words, unwalked footsteps, unheard stories.

I am alive. You are too. I invite you to savor today. Savor your gratitudes, even your pain. We are alive. There is no greater gift.

zena moon CLOSED from 7/22 thru 8/31

A reminder from an earlier post that the zena moon studio will be CLOSED July 22 - August 31, 2006. Exactly what this means for you is that during this time:

• Emails will not be answered
• Phone calls will not be returned
• The usual New Moon and Full Moon specials will not occur
• Orders placed after July 21 will not be shipped until early September

You will, of course, still be able to place orders on our website during our sabbatical, and we'll fill them in the order they're received just as soon as we're back in the studio -- rested, refreshed and renewed.

I wish you bright summer blessings bursting with joy!

P.S. Our last Full Moon special until fall is now in effect! Enjoy FREE Shipping on orders over $25, and receive a free candle with orders over $50. (Hurry -- offers end 7/11/06. Restrictions apply.) Shop now!

Happy Birthday, Bob!

40 years ago today is my first memory in life.
40 years ago today my baby brother was born.
Happy Birthday, BBEE!

Love, Ta

This Week's Stretch ~ 7/7/06

How did you reach outside your comfort zone this week?

This week was a subtle stretch that wound up feeling soooo dang good I did it over and over again. When asked what I do for a living, I told 4 strangers about my book, upcoming writer's retreat in Taos and August sabbatical to work on the book. Doing so opened veins of dialogue and enthusiastic support, and provided me with great shots of inspiration! Confidence too! Women want this book.

Sometimes it's good to quietly cradle our dreams and intentions, sometimes it's good to say them out loud. Sometimes words come out of my mouth I had no intention of saying! Moments like those I think I'm God's ventriloquist dummy (freak out Chris though it may). So be it!

Baby CHRiS Got Back

It's a happy day in zena moonland! After several months off to focus on school (damn academia), my beloved longtime employee Chris is BACK! Yay, yay, whoops of glee!

Here are Chris and Tim captured live moments ago wicking-and-puttying candle molds while singing along to "Baby Got Back."

I am blessed with loyal, hardworking, entertaining employees. Both Chris and Tim have worked here 3+ years, ever since their sophomore year in high school! They just finished their first year in college. Pretty amazing stability.

Curious, I asked them: "Other than the fact that I've forbidden you to quit, ever, what makes you want to work here?"

Chris: "You. Do you realize how awful it is to putty these things?"

Tim (a man of few words): "The flexibility."

Chris: "Plus you let me wear pajamas."

Tim: "And we don't walk out smelling like pizza."

They then made me ask other interview questions. I wish I had a podcast of the banter that followed, because after 3+ years sitting across from each other holding the zaniest, most creative conversations, the two of them play off each other like an old vaudeville act.

Biggest Phobia
Chris -- needles, the dark, ventriloquist dummies
Tim -- confined spaces, zombies, scary underwater creatures

Guilty Pleasures
Chris -- "Desperate Housewives," old school rap, tattoos & piercing
Tim -- "Beavis & Butthead," heavy metal, Bruce Campbell movies

Coolest Accomplishment
Chris -- 4th grade won award for writing the best short story in school, overcoming great challenges
Tim -- 9th grade won 3rd place in Battle of the Bands against all odds

I love, enjoy, respect and appreciate the souls who work here. They're well compensated, but there's much more to employment than an economic transaction no matter which side of the paycheck you're on. I've left jobs I liked because I hated the people. Likewise the production work at zm could hardly be called scintillating, yet as an employer I've benefitted from remarkably low turnover.

By fostering a fun, flexible work atmosphere, zm is well compensated with loyalty, trustworthiness, hard work and now that Chris is back, entertainment.

What would make Chris and Tim quit their jobs here?

Tim: "Having to start at 8am."

Chris: "Not having books on tape to listen to."

Tim: "If someone else was the boss."

Chris: "Cancer. An allergy to wax."

I think -- I hope -- they'll be working here for a long time to come.

Red, White & Blue

Truth be told I'm something of a 4th of July grinch. I'm irritated by the firecrackers going off morning to night for the last week. Fireworks I can gladly do without, and while there is much I love about my country, it's hard to feel patriotic and celebrate America while feeling ashamed, outraged and powerless towards our government and its global wreckage.

The good news is, I have the freedom to choose what to think and do today. Roosevelt said, "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." Today I can be kind to others and enjoy being alive. It's a day for relaxation, the outdoors, happy kids, roasted weenies and community. In a little while Bryon and I are heading over to a friend's party for BBQ, kayaking, fellowship and fun. Meanwhile I feel called to write a quick gratitude list of what I love about the US of A:

• The incredible beauty of the land
• That by and large, Americans are open-hearted, kind, hopeful, generous people
• Freedom of speech, thought, choice, spirituality
• Limitless if-you-can-dream-it-you-can-do-it opportunities
• Stephen Colbert

I wish you a safe, enjoyable holiday.