zena musings

Friday Night Meme

Silas bounding towards a stalking Lucy, along the Spokane River.

I found a fun meme on Brook's blog and enjoyed her answers so much that I decided to play too! If you join in the fun, please leave a comment here so I can read your answers. I love learning random things about friends.

What is your occupation right now? I own and operate zena moon.

What color are your socks right now? Fuzzy, soft lime green.

What are you listening to right now? Robert Downey Jr. speaking as Iron Man.

What was the last thing that you ate? A handful of Junior Mints . . . dessert!

Can you drive a stick shift? Yep. I learned to drive in a '66 VW Bug and have always owned cars with manual transmissions. I'm tired of shifting -- my next car will definitely be an automatic.

Last person you spoke to on the phone? My friend Gina.

How old are you today? Biologically I'm 45. At heart much younger. :)

What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Swimming! College basketball is my second fave.

What is your favorite drink? White hot chocolate, or pumpkin spice steamed milk.

Have you ever dyed your hair? Um, I haven't seen my real hair color since junior high.

Favorite food? Hard to say, I love good quality food of all kinds. Thanksgiving dinner is probably my favorite meal, although my friend Gina fixed me a dinner a couple weeks ago so delicious I could have happily eaten it as my final meal on Earth.

What is the last movie you watched? Just finished Iron Man. Last night I watched Suspicious River. Before that was The Visitor, a wonderful movie. Three cheers for Netflix!

Favorite day of the year? My birthday.

How do you vent anger? It depends. I definitely like to swear out loud, drop flurries of F-bombs. I was very angry for a very long time, and thanks to a great deal of ongoing personal / spiritual work I rarely feel much anger nowadays. Prayer and exercise help. Being single helps too.

What was your favorite toy as a child? Oh, my Barbies! I had dozens of Barbies, Francies, Kens and Skippers, and I made up running storylines that would last for months. Crimes were committed, illegitimate children born (I'd tape wads of Kleenex to their bellies to make them look pregnant), soap operas played out. They fueled my imagination and love for storytelling. My Barbies lived in an elaborate mansion which I constructed out of cardboard boxes -- each box a room I decorated, filled with furniture I made. They had a sports car, a country camper and an airplane! My Mom sewed tons of fancy Barbie clothes. I was steamed when she dismantled the Barbie house when I was in my 20s, but I still have all my Barbies and I play with them when my goddaughter visits.

What is your favorite season? Autumn. I could live in autumn year-round. But all seasons are distinctly beautiful in Spokane.

Cherries or blueberries? Blueberries.

Living arrangements? Me and my two Dobermans, Lucy and Silas.

When was the last time you cried? Tuesday during Obama's speech.

What is on the floor of your closet? Slippers and shoes and a stack of folded sweatpants. 

What did you do last night? Had leftover spaghetti for dinner, then watched a movie snuggled in bed with Lucy and Silas.

What are you most afraid of? Losing someone I love.

Plain, cheese, or spicy cheese hamburger? Cheeseburger. I like plain hamburgers too. I'm a big fan of spices, but not in cheese.

Favorite dog breed? Doberman ... and my sweet boy Elliott, who was half-Dobie half-Golden Retriever. Mutts are wonderful! So many dogs need rescuing.

Favorite day of the week? Most days of the week hold something special for me. This time of year I'd have to say Saturday is my favorite. I have my favorite AA meeting, stop at Great Harvest for bread, then there's usually a Gonzaga basketball game to go to and/or something fun happening Saturday night. Friday nights are my least favorite. The only night if I'm alone, I feel lonely.

How many states have you lived in? Six U.S. states (Montana, Wyoming, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Washington, Colorado) and two foreign countries (Czech Republic, Holland).

Diamonds or ruby? Neither. I'm not a jewel person, but especially not diamonds.

What is your favorite flower? I love tulips. But nothing beats the smell of lilacs.

Sacred Life Sunday: Gratitude

It's late (well, 8pm -- late for me!) and I just got home from an AA potluck + speaker's meeting where I was one of two speakers sharing our stories. I was a nervous wreck! I've never spoken for such a long time (30 minutes) and it was a HUGE crowd. Tonight's other speaker, one of my absolute all-time favorite women in recovery, brought me flowers! I love her. I can't believe how much love I feel (and receive). We both got a standing ovation and after the meeting we were bombarded with hugs and love and kindness. My parents were there. They are so amazing in their support of me. One friend slipped me a note that said You were awesome! Even though I felt like I stuttered and stammered the whole time -- and I definitely sweated like a pig -- I'm really proud of myself for doing this. I love, love, LOVE Alcoholics Anonymous and being a sober woman.

I also love Gonzaga women's basketball, and we had our first game today. Go Zags! So, lots of excitement today . . . I should sleep well tonight . . . and tomorrow morning I'm going to pick up my dogs. YAY x 1,000,000! Tonight I feel like a lottery winner.

New Moon Special: 20% Off (3 Days Only) + News

20% Off Your Entire Order
3 Days Only  |  Ends 10/31/08
Use Coupon Code NEWMOON

The last few weeks have been a wild ride for us all, and my biggest challenge has been prying myself out of fear paralysis. We are either feeding our fear (i.e., checking news sites 20 times a day) or our faith, and for me, staying in right action is key. Many decades ago, Dale Carnegie said, "Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy."

Great advice to which I would add, take extra good, gentle, soothing care of yourself. For me this means focusing my time, attention and energy on what feeds my faith. Friends. Nature. Reading fluffy books (I'm into the Twilight saga right now and loving it). Having friends over to watch movies. Music. Quiet. Candles (naturally :)). Watching good TV comedies on Netflix (current faves: Dead Like Me and 30 Rock). Avoiding drama, inflammatory language, and political conversations. Taking care of my finances. NOT panicking.

In my prayers and meditations, the message I am hearing over and over again is that the most important thing to do right now is to shine our light. Whatever your light is, and however it shines, that's the focus. What I'm burning a lot of these days:

• beyond fear
• faith
• i trust
• keep it simple
• let go and let god

It's also time for our holiday candles and gift sets to come out to play!

• hanukkah
• happy new year
• merry
• christmas
• silent night
• winter
• yule
• merry christmas candle set
• winter gift set

Plus...

• autumn
• thanksgiving

An Invitation For You
Ever wish you could shop at zena moon in person? Next month you can! This year's Holiday Open Studio Party is Saturday, November 22, from 12 noon - 6 pm.

SHOP our hundreds of candles and gift sets in person 
SAVE 10% off everything | 50% off exclusive sale items 
RECEIVE a free gift with purchase 
ENJOY complimentary snacks and drinks

Bring family and friends—the more the merrier! I'd love to see you here.

1514 E 9th Ave
Spokane, WA 99202
(509) 534 1534

Coming Soon
Monthly candle-making classes at zena moon begin in February 2009, and a weekend Women at Rest retreat will be held in Spring 2009. Stay tuned for more details!

Happy Birthday to Me :)

The day began with a phone call from my Dad singing his traditional nutty Happy Birthday song in German using the entire 20 words he knows of German. I then spent hours in the womb at Pampered By Priscilla, getting a facial and seaweed body wrap. Priscilla surprised me with a bunch of ultra cute birthday cupcakes and a bag of presents. She's so awesome! In between treatments I had lunch next door at Great Harvest Bread.

I came home to a quiet house, because my Dad had taken Silas to the dog park. To be honest I felt a little unsettled and antsy being alone. A little sad. Even though my life is full and good, it's different and new, and I guess the grieving process lasts however long as it lasts. I was really glad when Dad and Silas got back.

My Mom showed up with chicken tarragon and wild rice for dinner. YUMMY! I opened presents. My parents and I had dinner and talked all evening. It was really, really nice. Very low-key. Just what I needed and wanted.

Now I'm in bed with a sleepy Silas, a mug o' milk and a partially eaten cupcake which I'm going to finish as soon as I'm done typing. I cannot comprehend the age of 45 for myself. It's beyond surreal. But regardless, I *am* 45. I'm profoundly grateful for my family. And friends. And cupcakes!

A Call to Arms by Anne Lamott

How to handle the fury brought on by this election? Register voters, hit the streets, pray. Stop talking about her. Talk about Obama.
By Anne Lamott | September 16, 2008

I had to leave church Sunday morning when it turned out that the sermon was not about bearing up under desperate circumstances, when you feel like you're going crazy because something is being perpetrated upon you and your country that is so obscene that it simply cannot be happening.

I sat outside a 7-Eleven and had a sacramental Dove chocolate bar. Jeez: Here we are again. A man and a woman whose values we loathe and despise -- lying, rageful and incompetent, so dangerous to children and old people, to innocent people in every part of the world -- are being worshiped, exalted by the media, in a position to take a swing at all that is loveliest about this earth and what's left of our precious freedoms.

When I got home from church, I drank a bunch of water to metabolize the Dove bar and called my Jesuit friend, who I know hates these people, too. I asked, "Don't you think God finds these smug egomaniacs morally repellent? Recoils from their smugness as from hot flame?"

And he said, "Absolutely. They are everything He or She hates in a Christian."

I have been in a better mood ever since, and have decided not to even say this woman's name anymore, because she fills me with such existential doubt, such a sense of impending doom and disbelief, that only the Germans could possibly have words for it. Nor am I going to say the word lipstick again until after the election, as it would only be used against me. Or polar bear, because that one image makes me sadder than even horrible old I can stand.

I hate to criticize. And I love to kill wolves as much as the next person does. But this woman takes such pride in her ignorance, doesn't have a doubt in the world about her messianic calling, that it makes anyone of decency feel nauseated -- spiritually, emotionally and physically ill.

I say that with love. As we say in Texas. (Also, we say, 'Bless her heart.')

We felt this grief and nausea during the run-up to the war in Iraq. We felt it after the 2004 election. And now we feel it again.

But since there are still six weeks until the election, and since the stakes are as high as the sky, which should definitely not be forced to endure four more years of the same, we have got to get a grip. There are millions of people to register to vote, millions of dollars to be raised. We really cannot go around feeling flat and defeated, with the need to metabolize the rotten meat that this one particular candidate and the media have forced upon us.

One of the tiny metabolic suggestions I have to offer -- if, like me, you choose not to have her name on your lips, like an oozy cold sore (I say that with love) -- is to check out a Web site called the Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator. There you can find out what she and her husband would have named you if you had been their baby. My name, Anne, for instance, would be Krinkle Bearcat. John, her running mate, would be named Stick Freedom. George would be Crunk Petrol. And so on.

First of all, go find out what your own name would be. Then for one day refuse to use the name of these people who are so damaging to earth and to our very souls -- so, "I don't have to understand anything, it's all fuzzy math. Trust me. I'm the decider." From now on, when working for Obama, talk about Obama, talk about his policies, the issues, the economy, the war in Iraq, poverty, the last eight years, Joe Biden. You don't have to mention Crunk Petrol, or his sidekick, Shaver Razorback.

And you sure as hell don't have to mention Claw Washout -- she is absolutely, hands-down the most ludicrous person ever to be nominated. She's a South Park character. There was a mix-up. Mistakes were made.

Everything you need to know about how to bear up during these two months is already inside you. Go within: Work on your own emotional acre. Stand still, and hurt, and feel crazy. Then drink a lot of water, pray, meditate, rest. Rest is a spiritual act. Now, I am a reform Christian, so it is permissible for me to secretly believe that God hates this woman, too. I heard God slam down a couple of shooters while she was talking the other night.

Figure out one thing you can do every single day to be a part of the solution, concentrating on swing states. Money, walking precincts, registering voters, whatever. This is the only way miracles ever happen -- left foot, right foot, left foot, breathe. Right foot, left foot, right foot, breathe. The great novelist E.L. Doctorow once said that writing a novel is like driving at night with the headlights on: You can only see a little ways in front of you, but you can make the whole journey th is way. It is the truest of all things; the only way to write a book, raise a child, save the world.

As my anonymous pal Krinkle Bearcat once wrote: Laughter is carbonated holiness. It is chemo. So do whatever it takes to keep your sense of humor. Rent Christopher Guest movies, read books by Roz Chast and Maira Kalman. Picture Stick Freedom in his Batman underpants, having one of his episodes of rage alone in one of his seven bedrooms. Or having one of his bathroomy little conversations with Froth Moonshine. (Bless their hearts.) Try to remember that even Karl Rove has accused him of being a lying suck.

Reread everything Molly Ivins and Jim Hightower ever wrote. Write down that great line of Molly's, that "freedom fighters don't always win, but they're always right." Tape it next to your phone.

Call the loneliest person you know. Go flirt with the oldest person at the bookstore.

Fill up a box with really cool clothes that you haven't worn in a year, and take it to a thrift shop. Take gray water outside and water whatever is growing on your deck. This is not a bad metaphor to live by. I think it is why we are here. Drink more fluids. And take very gentle care of yourself and the people you most love: We need you now more than ever.

Sacred Life Sunday: Fullness

Today was hoppin' in zena moonville. I poured candles, my workerbees worked, my Mama stopped by, and I had these two lovely girls over to make their own special candles, which turned out gorgeous. I LOVE witnessing the creativity of kids.

Shelby (right) is hopefully lined up to start working for me when Colleen leaves for college next year, and Kegley (center) wants to work here when she's old enough. What fun!

Now I have leftover risotto for din-din and a quiet evening ahead. I love Sundays. I'll love Sundays even more starting next week when the new season of Dexter begins and my dogs are back with me. I pick 'em up Wednesday -- YAY!

I am also loving Facebook! I've reunited with many, many old friends . . . reminding me what a rich life I've lived, what amazing people I know. This is one of the biggest blessings of being single again . . . reconnecting to the historic and present wholeness and fullness and richness that makes up my life. In addition to many of you fine people, in the last few days alone I've connected with my old pals Alice Wu (former Microsoftie, now a filmmaker and the writer/director of the movie Saving Face) and Lisa Brummel (head of HR at Microsoft and faithful zena moon customer). I am so much more than any one relationship. It feels fantastic to know and experience this again. I truly am complete -- and very content -- as is.

And now a word about Sacred Life Sunday . . .

There are so many ongoing changes to folks participating that I just can't keep the list updated anymore. Does anyone have suggestions how it might be done automatically? Thanks in advance!

NEW! Obama '08 Candle

Standing on a political soapbox isn't my thing, but creating candles to help manifest what's wanted and needed in life is. I had no intention of creating a candle for Barack Obama until a chance encounter with the Democratic National Convention planted the seed of desire that sprouted so big so quickly it simply HAD to be done! This is a limited edition candle available through the November 2008 election, and if Obama wins, the inauguration. (And no, there won't be candles made for McCain or other political candidates.)

Scented with papaya, the quote on the label reads:

We are the people we've been waiting for.
We are the change we seek.
~Barack Obama

Plus, each one of these red, white and blue candles contains a clear quartz crystal for extra oomph. Order yours today!

Sacred Life Sunday: Energies

What I drew today. The CHANGE card is one I draw again and again. On the back of ACHIEVEMENT it reads, "Chase your dreams. You may be surprised by where they lead you." Which is perfect, because I've procrastinated doing something I know I need to pursue. Even my dreams give me clear messages to do it.

And then today, I stumbled across this gem by David Whyte:

Start close in,
don't take the second step
or the third,
start with the first thing
close in,
the step you don't want to take.

So, I hereby promise myself to take that first step this week!

What To Remember When Waking

In that first
hardly noticed
moment
to which you wake,
coming back
to this life
from the other
more secret,
moveable
and frighteningly
honest
world
where everything
began,
there is a small
opening
into the new day
which closes
the moment
you begin
your plans.

What you can plan
is too small
for you to live.

What you can live
wholeheartedly
will make plans
enough
for the vitality
hidden in your sleep.

To be human
is to become visible
while carrying
what is hidden
as a gift to others.

To remember
the other world
in this world
is to live in your
true inheritance.

You are not
a troubled guest
on this earth,
you are not
an accident
amidst other accidents
you were invited
from another and greater
night
than the one
from which
you have just emerged.

Now, looking through
the slanting light
of the morning
window toward
the mountain
presence
of everything
that can be,
what urgency
calls you to your
one love?  What shape
waits in the seed
of you to grow
and spread
its branches
against a future sky?

Is it waiting
in the fertile sea?
In the trees
beyond the house?
In the life
you can imagine
for yourself?
In the open
and lovely
white page
on the waiting desk?

~David Whyte

Sacred Life Sunday: Matriline

Three generations of women . . .

My Grandma (age 92), my Mom (age 67) and me (age 44).

Taken this past weekend during our annual family reunion on the Swan River near Bigfork, Montana.

Even though I'm hunched over like Quasimodo, I love this photo! As far as I can remember, it's the only one I've ever seen of just the three of us.

Our women ancestors are treasures.